Processing Your Thoughts: Transmuting Fear & Clarifying Your Desires

What if the only thing holding you back from your dreams was....you? The harsh reality is that often, our worst enemy is the one staring back at us in the mirror. This episode is for those of you who've felt stuck - trapped in a cycle of fear and complacency, not sure how to break free or where to go next. We promise to take you on a journey that explores how to shatter these chains and truly follow your thoughts through to the end. You'll learn how to overcome fear-based thinking, uncover what you truly want, and regain control of your thought process.

Are you scared of taking risks? Let's confront those fears! In this episode, we'll be digging deep to uncover what's genuinely holding you back. By releasing preconceived ideas and leaving room for the universe to deliver exactly what you need, you can start to shift your mindset. We'll be guiding you on how to align your thoughts with the version of you that already has everything you desire. It's time to show up in a way that can drastically change your life.

Feeling fearful isn't the end of your journey; it's the beginning of something truly remarkable. Fear can actually be a stepping stone to success. We'll be teaching you how to navigate through the fear, understand its root cause, and transform it into action towards your goals. This process will not only help you overcome your fears but also keep you motivated and remind you that anything is possible. So let's embark on this journey together, take the first step, and start moving towards our dreams.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hi, friends, and welcome to Believe Like a Boss. I'm your host Life Coach, nandu Kamil. Join me as I teach you how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual alignment and authentic action. I'll teach you how to create what I like to call a life of thrive, with ease and authenticity. It's time to play with what's possible. Are you ready? Let's go.

Speaker 2: 0:26

Hello, hello, hello, my friends, and welcome back to another episode of Believe Like a Boss. I am your host, life Coach, nandu Kamil, and I'm so grateful to have you back for another episode. I just rolled my eyes at myself in the intro. Every single time I go to record the podcast, I listen to the intro before I go to record. I really like that like seamless, like hop right into it thing. Sometimes I'll record it on my phone, but when I'm recording it on my computer, on my Mac, I will listen to the intro.

Speaker 2: 0:50

And in the intro I say I'll help you create a life of thrive with ease and authenticity. And there's this like inner mean girl in me that just like laughed at myself with ease and authenticity, like mm so easy. You know what that inner mean girl? She showed up for a second because I'm going through a season where I 100% still believe in everything that's in the intro and it is not easy, right? You can create a life that you love from a place of ease. That does not make it easy, right. I think that like that might be a whole episode in itself. That's not what today was about, but I just wanted to talk about that because it does happen, where we are creating a new thing in the world and we'll just stick with a blog. You're creating a blog in the world and the steps to create a blog are easy, right. Create your blog post. Either use a stock image or take your own image for the blog. Decide where the blog post is going. Are you going to do a newsletter, and it goes out in a newsletter. Are you going to be an Instagram blog and it's on. It's just the caption of your Instagram. Or is it that you have a website, so you need to buy a website and then put the blog on the website? See, like the steps themselves aren't hard, right, the steps themselves are easy, and that's why I say, with ease and authenticity, that part is easy.

Speaker 2: 2:16

It's all the mental gunk that gets in the way of us doing the things, all the things that say we can't do the website. Nobody's ever going to go to the blog, so why even start it? My one coworker follows me on Instagram and if I announce that I'm going to be a blogger, what will she think? Right, that's the drama and that's what the mean girl inside of me just did. Right, it was just like haha, is it so easy, because I'm going through the part where there's a lot of mental drama. There is a lot of mental drama and that's what I tell a lot of people in general where it's like the process to what you want. It's truly, it's getting clear on what you want, trusting yourself to know what the steps are. The rest is drama.

Speaker 2: 2:59

I want to be a circus performer Great. What do you think your first step would be? Would it be taking a class? Is it learning a little bit more on YouTube, is it? What is your first step? Right, that's easy. It's the drama that gets in the way. I would never be a circus performer, all this stuff.

Speaker 2: 3:13

I digress so hard. That is not even what we're talking about today, but it just came out of me. My friends, I hope that served you. You can just click off the podcast, be done for the day, if you got something out of that. If you're new here, my friends, I like to say take a 60 and leave the rest.

Speaker 2: 3:28

This is truly not about forcing anything on anybody. It's about when we say mindfulness. You listen to this podcast. We say mindfulness is I feel like I can hear you guys saying it back to me Awareness without judgment, if you've been listening Throughout this entire podcast. We're really truly talking about being aware of our thoughts, being aware of our actions, being aware of how we show up without judgment. Then checking in is the way that I'm thinking, is the way that I'm showing up, and are the results that I'm getting in alignment with what I want? Yes, no, maybe the rest is drama. It either is or it isn't.

Speaker 2: 4:03

What we are talking about today is following the thought all the way through. That's what came up for me and what I wanted to share with you all, and something that I think is a really helpful tool, is Following a thought all the way through, and this is what I mean In particular. We're gonna talk about following our fear, thoughts and our desires all the way through, because what can happen is I think this is where complacency lives we can live in the middle, where we get a thought and the thought is oh my gosh, I I'm never gonna sign the amount of clients I want to sign, right. That might be the fear thought. I'm afraid that I'm not gonna sign the amount of clients I want to sign, but it might come up as I'm never gonna sign the amount Of clients I want to sign. Right, that's the fear thought sometimes, and most of the time, I think what happens is we just stop there, I'm never gonna sign the amount of clients I want to sign. And then that thought gets Cycled and cycled, and cycled I'm never gonna sign the amount of clients. And then you just find evidence for it. Because I've never signed a client before, because my mom doesn't believe in me, because I've never started a business on my own before, you just start collecting evidence for it.

Speaker 2: 5:11

But what I want you to do instead is I want you to follow that thought all the way through. And, by the way, you were playing that, sentencing it again, I, first of all, we're not gonna judge it. Secondly, it's keeping you stuck right. We think that it's going to help. Like we're like, oh, I'm never gonna sign clients, I'm afraid I'm never gonna sign clients. And we think that, like, focusing on that fear is gonna help us to create a solution. But it doesn't. It keeps us stuck.

Speaker 2: 5:36

If we truly believe that we are never gonna sign clients, how are we showing up? How do we feel? Sad, annoyed, hopeless? Probably Because the reality is that you want to sign clients, but what you're believing is that I'm not going to. That's that cognitive dissonance Believing something and then having a counteractive belief at the same time. I really want to sign lots of clients. I also don't believe I'm ever gonna sign clients. And when you keep believing I'm never gonna sign clients and never gonna sign clients, your brain goes to look for evidence for that right. So what I want you to do is this again might feel counterintuitive I actually want you to follow that thought all the way through.

Speaker 2: 6:11

What? What is that actual fear? I'm afraid I'm never gonna sign clients, and then what? That's what I mean when I say follow the thought all the way through. And then what? And Then you're gonna be broke on the street because you never signed any clients, and then you never Accomplish your deep dream, and so you end up dying, sad and depressed because you never Sign the client, because you never got to share this gift with the world. That's what this signing a client is about. As I need to share my gift, I need you to follow the thought all the way through, because that's where we get a little bit more what I like to think of them as is like our little stepping stones.

Speaker 2: 6:49

I think we're afraid to go to the fear because it's uncomfortable. I don't wanna look at the fear. I'm already afraid. I don't wanna spend any more time with the fear. I'm gonna create more of it, but really it's so nice to be able to go into the fear.

Speaker 2: 7:01

What's coming up for me right now is the image of a lotus, and what I recently learned and I think I mentioned this before in the podcast is that the lotus part of why it's so revered and so beautiful and so spiritual is that it grows out of mud. It's in like a bog in mud. It's not in a beautiful field of wildflowers. It's a gorgeous flower that grows out of mud. And I think about this, going, thinking about our thought all the way through in the same way. So when you think the thought all the way through, let's say it's because I'm afraid I'm gonna be on the streets, right, if I don't sign clients, I won't be able to pay my bills. I'm afraid I won't be able to pay my bills. Right.

Speaker 2: 7:35

Follow the thought all the way through, because again, what's happening is we're staying stuck, we're not taking action. When we're in a place. I'm not gonna sign clients. I'm not gonna sign clients, right, you're probably an overwhelm, you're probably in fight, flight, freeze or fawning, which is not helping you. It is not serving you. You're not taking a line action and therefore not signing the clients, therefore getting more evidence of the fear that you have in the first place. Right, and what I want you to do instead is follow all the way through.

Speaker 2: 8:02

What am I afraid of? I'm afraid of being on the street. If I don't sign clients, I'm gonna be on the street. So you're afraid of not making income, right, and so, yes, that goes hand in hand with not making clients. But then it also gives you your power back. It gives us some options. All, right, what we're hearing is I need to make money to pay my bills.

Speaker 2: 8:18

Then we get to gather some more information. So when I'm working with clients, I'm like, okay, well, how much is that? How much money is that? Is that $4,000?, is it $500? Get clear on what that is.

Speaker 2: 8:27

And then we get to play some more. Right, is what you're selling an alignment? Do you like what you're selling? Right, do you battle with your price point? And so every time you go online and you go live because you don't really truly believe in your prices or believe anybody's gonna pay that you're going on, you're getting going live and people are feeling that energy, and you're thinking in the back, nobody's ever gonna sign, I'm never gonna sign a client, I'm never gonna sign a client, even though you're going online and you're saying, hey, I live a great life, this is great, right. But if that's the thought you're thinking, that is the energy you're putting out and that's what people are feeling, right, and so what I want for you instead is we get to clean that up. If it's your prices that is causing you to be feeling crazy, then we get to play with your prices, because we know that, at the end of the day, you need X amount to pay your bills.

Speaker 2: 9:15

We also get to play with how else can we create, maybe, another stream of income? What are you willing to do to make that money? How might we take the pressure off? Right? When we follow the thought all the way through, we're given some options. Let's do that again.

Speaker 2: 9:29

So the first thought that we followed all the way through is I'm afraid I'm gonna be broke on the street, right, and so the tools I would give you is all right. Well, how much money do you need to make to not be broke on the street? All right. The next thing is I had a client do this recently is what are 25 ways that you could make money today or in the next week? Come up with 25 ways. It could be underneath your business umbrella directly, it could be underneath your full-time job, it could be a side hustle, it could be baby. Whatever it is, come up with 25 ways. Right, because we're wanting to give the brain evidence that everything is figure-outable. So, instead of just letting the fear be the fear, we follow the fear, knowing that everything is figure-outable, and you find a solution. What is it that I'm actually afraid of? And what are some solutions that I have? Because we affirm everything is figure-outable.

Speaker 2: 10:12

So when we get a fear, we don't let it be that big scary thing in our brain. We turn around and we realize it's a bunny with a flashlight. Let me explain that metaphor, cause somebody like what in the world are you talking about? Okay, so you know how shadows work. Right, you stick your hand in front of a flashlight. It creates a shadow on the wall. The way I talked to my clients about this, I was like imagine that there's like a big scary shadow on the wall, right, and it just looks so scary and you don't know what it is and it's just making you afraid. But then you realize it's just a bunny with a flashlight. It's a bunny in front of a flashlight and however it's standing, it makes it look like it's this big scary thing. But it's not. And that's how our fears are right. Your fears are bunnies with flashlights in the dark and you just need to turn around and see them, right, and then from there you're like okay, well, I'm afraid of not making the money. Okay, so let's say that's not it for you.

Speaker 2: 11:02

Let's say the fear is I'm, if I don't sign the clients, I'm never gonna realize my dream. It is so important to me to I've had this dream on my heart my whole life that I'm going to be an interior designer and so I want to sign clients to do interior design. It's so important to me that, like I have to, I have to sign clients for that reason. Okay, cool, let's like, let's follow that thought all the way through. I'm afraid I'm never gonna sign clients. Great, so what does that mean? If I never sign clients, I'm never following my dream. Okay, so what does that mean? If I'm never following my dream? That means I'm never living an authentic life that brings me joy and happiness and abundance. Okay, that's what I mean when I say follow the thought all the way through, Get clear on what you really, really want.

Speaker 2: 11:43

And at the heart of that, we get to take our power back, because it might be that maybe you are citing clients as fast as you want to as an interior designer, instead of focusing on the thought. I'm not citing clients, I'm not citing clients. Let's come back to your why. Why do you want to sign clients in the first Place? Why is this important to you? Because you want to share your gift with the world. Okay, what is a way in which you can share your gift with the world and serve clients that aren't even paying you yet? Right? How do you do that? How do you still stay connected to your why, instead of focusing on what you're not getting, because that is not serving you, right?

Speaker 2: 12:14

So follow your fear all the way through. What is it that I'm actually afraid of? I'm afraid of X. And then ask yourself, like three times deep at least right, I'm afraid I'm not citing clients. Well, what does that mean? And not citing clients? And At the heart of it, the heart of it, heart of it is. It's we're afraid of feeling some type of way. We're afraid of feeling defeated, we're afraid of feeling like a failure. We're afraid of feeling Inauthentic, we're afraid of feeling small, we're afraid of feeling hopeless for the rest of our life. I don't want to feel this way, right? So the fear is this fear of a feeling. That's what the heart of it is, right, but there's all these other things around it. So that's why I want you to follow the thought all the way through, because then you can get your power back.

Speaker 2: 12:58

Do not get stuck on thoughts that do not serve you. How you know you're stuck on a thought that doesn't serve you. How you feel. If you've been in a funk, if you've been feeling funky, if you've been just like moody and crabby and short-tempered, there is a thought that you've been thinking that is not serving you. I'm not getting what I want, it's not working whatever it is. And instead of just sitting in the thought I'm not getting what I want or it's not working, follow that thought all the way through. What is it that you're not getting? I'm not getting what I want. What do you want? Right, it's not working. What is it that you think is not working and then we come back to everything is figure-outable. Everything that I want wants me right. If it was put on my heart, it's possible in the world. We affirm all of these things and then we follow that fear all the way through and we find what is that I'm afraid of? And we take our power back and we say, okay, everything is figure-outable. This is what I'm gonna do next. Hopefully that makes sense. If it doesn't, please send me email. Hello, anandikamailcom. All right, on the other side, we're gonna stay with the same topic following your thoughts all the way through. Go to your desires. Right when we think about our desires, I think the same thing can happen.

Speaker 2: 14:06

I want to be a celebrity. I want to be a social media content creator. I want to be a blogger. I want to be a stay-at-home mom. That's great, fantastic. Step one. Step two is to get. What does that mean for you? What does that mean for you to be a celebrity? There's so many kinds of celebrities. Do you want to be a talk show host? Do you want to be on a TV show?

Speaker 2: 14:31

I actually just had a client fill out a new client questionnaire and one of them, one of the questions on there, was what is one of your like big, big dreams, like just outlandish big dreams? Because that's what I love to do and I feel like that's what I was put on the planet to do as a life coaches Help people, just be honest about what you really want and then just get over all the crap that gets in your eye. So what? What she said in the questionnaire was to be on a TV show. She's like I don't know which one, but I really would love to be on a TV show and I just love that. I love it so much. I'm so excited to unpack that a little bit more with her.

Speaker 2: 14:59

Follow the thought all the way through because, again, what we want at the end of is a feeling but let's, let's play with that. Right, if you really want, let's go to the flip side of the previous example. I really want to sign clients. Okay, why do you want to sign those interior design clients? Because it'll leave me feeling fulfilled, empowered, excited. Because it means I get to use my gifts and design. It means that I get to work with lots of empowered people who love beautiful spaces. Right, follow that thought all the way through. Essentially, what, if you're picking up what I'm putting down. We're getting to the why. Why am I afraid right now? Why do I want what I want right now?

Speaker 2: 15:38

I think that it's so important to check in and not get stuck in the in between, get stuck in that cognitive dissonance, that cognitive dissonance being Wanting something, truly desiring something, and then another part of you telling you that you can't have it. You're too old, young, whatever the all the excuses are right. For the longest time, when I first started my coaching business, it was I'm too young, I'm too young, who's gonna take advice from me? I'm too young, who's gonna think that I can help them? I'm too young, nobody's gonna pay me to help them. Because I started, I want to say was like 22, but then you think back to earlier than I was like 18, 19, 20, 21, when I was in college coaching espn executives and jamba juice executives and um young adults from halfway homes, right, and I was loving it. Loving it in my element, in my zone of genius, right.

Speaker 2: 16:25

Notice where you're talking yourself out of your dreams. Notice when the fear comes up. Instead of just Downloading the fear, that is buying into the fear, that is believing the fear. Oh, I can't sign the client, so it's never gonna get off the ground. I'm never gonna have that many followers, or nobody's ever gonna follow me live, or you go on to somebody's live and they have like 200 people following. I thought that would be so nice if I got 200 people left. Notice that tone again. We were talking about tone last week with relationships.

Speaker 2: 16:51

It goes with everything, though. It's the difference between I can't wait till I have that many people following me on my live versus I don't. I don't know if anybody's ever gonna follow me on my live and have that many right, and it's okay to have that. I don't know. It's not about forcing this like force positivity. We're not looking for that. That's no. That doesn't serve you. But checking in me like man, I would really like that and I believe it's possible. And right now I know my, my belief is like a two on a scale of one to 10, but that's okay. I believe and I'm going to lean in. What would it take for me to feel more confident going online? How would I? Might I create that right? Go to that version of you that it has already created it and ask them Right, but don't get stuck in the in between of it's never going to happen, or just like a vanilla version of what your dream is.

Speaker 2: 17:42

I want to be a life coach. My friend called me out on that the other day too. She was like you know, there's a lot of life coaches out there, but I see a lot of what you're doing and it's like a lot of the other life coaches, and it stung a little bit. But it was so good for me to hear at the same time Right Again, that a fear thought kicked in at that time was like I'm just like everybody else, I don't stand out. What's the point, right, those fear thoughts, those yucky thoughts that don't serve us. And I was like no, right, what is the fear? Those follow it all the way through, that I'm irrelevant, that I don't know how to engage people, that I'm not engaging, right. And so then you get to flip that around.

Speaker 2: 18:17

What I love about a fear is it's really two things Right. A fear is the other side of a want. You can think about it that way. Think about a coin right, two sides of one coin. A fear just presents your want at the same time, when I became a notice, I'm afraid that I'm not going to be engaging what I noticed on the other side is that I want to be engaging, right, and so then I get to follow that thought all the way through. What does that mean for me to be engaging, for me to be someone that someone wants to follow and it allowed me to unpack some new things Like. It means that I'm valuable. It means that people are learning from me. It means that I bring good energy and people want to be around me, right. It means that I'm authentic and I show up with this like jazzy, yummy energy, which I hope you all are feeling today, right.

Speaker 2: 18:59

And so that's what I want to offer to you all is, if you have felt like you are not getting new results, if you have felt like you are stuck, there might be a chance that you are in cognitive dissonance, balancing two different thoughts that are fighting each other, and what I would offer is follow your fear all the way through. What are you really afraid of? Don't be afraid of looking at the fear. It's a bunny with a flashlight Right. Look at that fear all the way through and then notice what the flip side of that fear is. There's a want on there. What is your want Now? Follow that want all the way through and affirm that what you want wants you to affirm that there is a version of you out not out there, really, but like metaphorically, y'all like energetically living that life that exists. Go to that version of you, follow the desire all the way through. What is your? Why? Why is this important to you?

Speaker 2: 19:53

And show up as if it's already done, as if it's already yours, as if you already have 10,000 downloads on your podcast, as if 200 people always show up on your live. There's a girl that I follow, that I love, and every time I get on her live I'd say there's like four or five normally when I get on, but man, she shows it with energy, like there's 200 people there, and I am just so excited for when that happens. I see that reality for her because I see how she shows up. She's affirming that with her energy. She doesn't have to say one day, 200,000 people are going to. She doesn't have to say that to her audience. It's in the way that she shows up. How are you showing up? What is your energy giving? Is it giving more fear or is it giving more? I'm following my dreams and of course, it's going to happen, even if I set that goal last month and I didn't hit it, even if I've been setting this goal for six months and I haven't hit it yet. Right? I believe that it's possible.

Speaker 2: 20:51

Unpack your fear If you've been stuck for a little bit. I really want you to. What are you afraid of? And if your brain says nothing, just sit with it for a hot second. What are you afraid of? What does failure mean to you? And again, the running definition we use here for failure is results that I didn't expect, right? So failure, when we think about it in our brain is like detrimental to the end of the world. But really it's like you go, you expect I'm using the live example a lot. You expect to go live and you expect 30 people to be on and five people are on, right, and so the brain might say that's a failure, right? So notice what your brain is afraid of failing at. It's trying to protect you from that. But notice if in it trying to protect you from feeling you're playing small and you're not trying and you're not going all in because the fear is too big, your brain is wired to protect you.

Speaker 2: 21:42

And if it feels too unsafe to go live, to start the blog, to leave your job, to start the business, to leave the relationship, to have the hard conversation in, your brain will say no, and you will come up with all of the reasons not to do it, because the brain says that's too uncomfortable. I don't want to do that, right? So follow that discomfort. What are you afraid of? What is that discomfort? Say what does that discomfort look like? What does it mean? What is it that the brain is trying to protect you from?

Speaker 2: 22:04

Get clear on that and then remember everything is figure out of all. Remember the universe has your back. Remember that if it was placed on your heart, it is possible in the world. Remember that it's already yours. Go that version of you that already has it. It already has what you want the love, the connection, the relationship, the and that's another. I'm going to like throw this out there for my ladies that are dating.

Speaker 2: 22:28

I think sometimes we're like but I want him. I hear you. I hear you. What do you want deeper than him? You want love, you want connection, you want to be seen, you want a valuable relationship, you want relationship in which he wants to engage with you. That's what you want, and so can you be willing to let go of the package that you think it's supposed to come in and leave room for the universe. Leave room for god to bring you what you actually want. To say that cuz a lot of my leaves working on relationship and we wanted to come in a specific package and I want to offer this goes with entrepreneurship to you get to want what you want. Let go of how it's gonna come to you, let go of the way it's gonna come to you just a firm that you get to have the relationships, the money, the business, the career that you want to have.

Speaker 2: 23:20

So get clear what that is and then show up as if it's already yours and just notice how your life changes as a result, just by you shifting your thoughts and therefore shifting your energy. What are you thinking? You know by how you're feeling. Are your thoughts more so on the fear side or are they more so on, in alignment with your best self yourself? That already has what you want. It fits in alignment with your fear. That's okay. Follow that thought all the way through. Take your power back. Remember the third time I'm saying it, cuz I love you guys so much your fears just a bunny with a flashlight. Okay, just trying to give you some direction. Your brain is always trying to protect you. I hope this serves you. My friends, as always, take a six, you leave the rest out, and I gotta throw this out there.

Speaker 2: 24:02

I am doing life audits the first week of August. If you purchase a life audit it doesn't have, you don't Book during the first week, like your appointment doesn't need to be during the first week of August, but if you book this week, you get a book, a life audit, during this week. It could be for up to two weeks from. Now is what my calendar set up for, and if you need more time than that, just send me an email. We can get you set up.

Speaker 2: 24:24

But I'm selling the life audits. It's four sessions and what we do is we go through a wheel of life. We go through just your entire life spirituality, your relationships, your career, when you think about money and we just kind of check in how do you feel about your life as a whole In these different areas of your life? And then what? What would make it exactly what you want it to be right? We want to check in on that too. From there Then we check in and see what's getting in your way, what thoughts are getting your way, what habits are not serving you. So we do this in about four sessions.

Speaker 2: 24:53

It's on sale this week only. If you get it during this week, you also get a free no such thing as behind sweatshirt, which I'm so excited about. You guys, I have swag on the website, so go to naughty commiecom slash shop to check that out. Use code naughty twenty for twenty percent off of swag with sweatshirts. I teachers I have a notebook on there, so excited about all of it. And that is only going through this week the life audit so make sure you snag that now.

Speaker 2: 25:19

Send me email. Hello, and naughty commie dot com. If you have any questions, as always, take a six. You leave the rest and I'll see you next. Hey friend, if you like this podcast, I would love it. If you give us a five star rating, share it with your friends, share it with somebody another girl, boss babe that you know is grinding, showing up as her best self, and can maybe use some support on her way. If you're interested in one on one coaching, if this podcast resonates with you and you're ready for some one on one support support for you and your journey Go ahead to naughty commie dot com to learn more, or head over to naughty commie dot a s dot me to sign up for your free discovery. Call. I'll see you soon, queen.