Depression and Self-Love

As a Life Coach and someone who has suffered personally, I know all too well the isolation and self-doubt that depression can invoke. It's time we unmask this emotional turmoil, share our experiences, and highlight the importance of self-love in its battle. I'll take you on a journey of self-discovery, focusing on appreciating our qualities, strengths and paving the way towards self-acceptance. Our beliefs shape our emotions, and by reflecting on our positive aspects and accomplishments, we can shift towards a state of self-love, empowering us to disarm depression.

We're delving deeper into the impact of self-perception and the role joy and careers play in this equation. Take a step back and ask, what would you do if all your needs are met? What is it that truly brings you joy and fulfillment? Acknowledge these passions and learn how to weave them into your everyday routines. It's time to let your joy guide your career choices, to believe in your worth and to find happiness in every day, despite the hardships.

As we sail into the realm of self-confidence, we'll explore techniques to keep negative thoughts at bay. From creating a vision board celebrating your current self and future aspirations to digital reminders with positive affirmations and a 'hype file', you'll learn to surround yourself with positivity. We'll also discuss the importance of gratitude and its role in cultivating a positive mindset. Remember, practicing self-love can be challenging, especially when depression looms, but know that you matter, and your actions can create a significant impact. Don't miss out on these transformational discussions on Believe Like a Boss!

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hi friends and welcome to Believe Like a Boss. I'm your host.

Speaker 2: 0:04

Life Coach Nandi Kamil, join me as I teach you how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual alignment and authentic action. I'll teach you how to create what I like to call a life of thrive, with ease and authenticity. It's time to play with what's possible. Are you ready? Let's go.

Speaker 1: 0:27

Hello, hello, hello, my friends, and welcome back to another episode of Believe Like a Boss.

Speaker 1: 0:31

I am your host, life Coach Nandi Kamil, and I'm so grateful, thankful and excited to have you here for another episode. Extra thankful, extra grateful because I just had Thanksgiving. It was my first year being the host. I'm so excited to host Thanksgiving. Tyler's mom has always hosted it in the past. My husband's mom and Tyler's dad and stepmom have hosted it before, but I've never been able to host it not never been able to, but I've never asked to host it. I've never had an interest and I'm assuming it's because it's the first year that I'm married.

Speaker 1: 1:01

I'm not sure. Maybe there's some subconscious messaging over all the hallmark movies that I've watched that now that I'm a married woman, I should be hosting Thanksgiving. Maybe that's what happened. Regardless, it was not from a shooting place. I will say that it was not like, oh, I should host Thanksgiving. It was actually from this. I really want to.

Speaker 2: 1:17

Fun fact about me I love hosting.

Speaker 1: 1:19

Love, love, love, love, love, hosting, love it. Whether it's hosting a podcast, hosting a pageant, I love hosting people at my house. I just really love making people feel comfortable. I love spending time with people, getting to know them, and I think hosting really allows me to do that, and so it was so much fun, so grateful. I will say I did not make everything. We ordered our turkey. I did not even try to attempt to make the turkey. There's a local barbecue place that it's walking distance from our house. That's amazing, and so we just went ahead and got beef, brisket, pulled chicken and pulled turkey from them and then I made what did I make? Green beans, mashed potatoes, we made croissants, my mom brought mac and cheese and yams Tyler's brother. So if you don't know me, I'm African American. My husband is Caucasian and growing up I guess over here on this side of the United States, like Northwest, they don't do mac and cheese with Thanksgiving, which blows my mind so his brother came over and he was like you know what he just learned?

Speaker 1: 2:18

I just learned that mac and cheese is the number one thing for Thanksgiving. I had no idea people ate mac and cheese on Thanksgiving. I was like what in the world is happening right now? What do you mean? You?

Speaker 1: 2:28

don't know that people eat macaroni and cheese on Thanksgiving, what, and so it's been a lot of fun to just continue to learn about my husband, his family, his background. I grew up all over the world. He grew up right here where we live, in Denver, colorado, his whole life, and so it's really it's a fun juxtaposition that we have in our house. We had a lot of fun. If you saw the picture I posted on Instagram, my grandmother made the comment. She's like. You can see which one's the fun family. No shade to Tyler's family, but in that silly photo his family is a lot more conservative than my side is, and it's just. It was a lot of fun. It was so much fun.

Speaker 1: 3:01

So I hope everybody had a wonderful holiday. I hope that you're rested, nice and full and plump with food and just like good vibes, and hopefully you are resting now. We're on the tail end of the holiday weekend. When you're listening to this, it's the Monday after Thanksgiving, so I'm hoping that you're all feeling rested and prepared for the week ahead. On the podcast, we've been focusing on client themes. Last week I went into my story as a live coach. I wanted to do some storytelling, so I hope you enjoyed that. But then this week I'm coming back to these themes that I'm seeing with clients, and one of the next themes that I'm seeing right now is this theme of these depressive episodes, with a lot of the women I'm working with right now feeling overwhelmed, feeling worthy, feeling frustrated, feeling less than, which is leaving them feeling depressed and anxious, and not for just a moment, but for days, weeks, sometimes years at a time, and so what I wanted to do this episode is in that theme not talk about why depression is happening or anything like that, but what?

Speaker 1: 4:00

I wanted to do is actually use a tool that helps to combat and to disarm depression, and so this week, what we're talking about is what do you love about?

Speaker 2: 4:08

you.

Speaker 1: 4:10

What do you love about you? When I was thinking about my women, when I was thinking about the clients that I work with and why depression often shows up, we're gonna pack that for a hot second, but we're gonna go into what you love about you. I think that what happens? There's so many different reasons for depression. I am not a therapist, I'm a life coach, so my background in depression comes from my experience versus books, and so what I'm noticing both with myself and with my clients and I do read books.

Speaker 1: 4:39

I do wanna say that I'm always devouring personal development books. But when it comes to depression itself, I would say my know-how comes just as much from my own experience and from the experiences my clients more so or just as much as it comes from books. And my experience has been that I'm the most depressed when a few different things are going on, if I feel as though I am unworthy, if I'm in a proving state where I have to prove my worthiness, whether it's to my father. At one point I realized I was doing that. Took me years to realize I was doing that. I was trying to prove to my father that I could be successful as something other than a doctor, lawyer, engineer.

Speaker 1: 5:15

This is a true story. Those are the three options I was given growing up. You can be a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer, and it's not to say that my parents were like you can only do those things. Clearly I did other things, but that was the message that was given most directly to me. Most often you can be a doctor, lawyer or an engineer, and so I knew I didn't wanna do any of those things. Doctor, I said nope, too much blood. I'm a pass out Lawyer, I said too much reading about things I don't care about. And no, thank you. Doctor, lawyer and then engineer was too much math. I was like, yeah, no, I don't like any of these things. None of these things are exciting for me. But that was my father's definition of success.

Speaker 1: 5:51

And so when I graduated, or rather when I went to college, I got my degree in education. I, from that point, was like I'm going to prove to him that I can be successful as a person who has a degree in education and I have done more than I could have ever thought, honestly, in both realms. I became an entrepreneur, I started my life coaching business, I'm starting a school now, and so I spent, I'd say, five of the past eight years. I've been in Colorado for eight years now. I spent five of the past eight years proving, proving, just trying to prove to my father that I could be successful, even if I wasn't a doctor, lawyer or engineer. And it was probably about three to five years ago. It's a little fuzzy as to when I realized, oh my gosh, I've been doing this.

Speaker 1: 6:39

Yes, I love these things, I love teaching and I love coaching and I love being out in the world, but a lot of what was motivating me was the need to prove myself to him, and so I see this a lot with a lot of clients where we're needing to prove something, maybe to the world, right, maybe it's proving something to our past, maybe proving something to a parent figure that wasn't very present in our childhood.

Speaker 1: 7:00

When we're showing up from a place of proving what we're really showing up from a place of is I'm not worthy until I'm not worthy until I'll show you that I'm worthy but I'm not worthy until and when we're in this place of I'm not worthy until, that often will create that depression. That's one of the reasons, right. Another reason is if I'm being reactive versus proactive, if I feel like I am just consistently reacting to my entire world and reacting to things that work I'm reacting to things in my business, I'm reacting to my husband, I'm reacting to my family instead of being proactive, and so a more specific example of that would be I find out today that my nephew, my best friend's child's birthday is on Wednesday and now I'm reacting on this day to go and run and buy a gift and do cards and all that stuff.

Speaker 1: 7:45

That is reactive to me, versus I know when his birthday is, that's my nephew and so a month ahead of time I've already gotten the card, I've already talked to mom about what they want for a gift, if they're doing gifts, and I've said to two weeks before the birthday, right. So when I'm consistently in a reactive place, I am often more likely to trigger depression because my brain says I'm not ahead, I'm behind, I'm behind, I'm behind, I'm reacting, I'm behind, I'm behind. And when I start to have the message and the belief, the thought in my brain, I'm behind, I'm behind, I'm behind. How does that feel in the body? Feels crappy, right. Same thing with I'm not worthy. Until I'm not worthy, until I'm not worthy until, how does that actually feel in the body? Feels crappy. So those are the things that will often trigger depression for me, amongst other things. Trust me, there are lots of things that will trigger it right, and so that's why I love mindfulness.

Speaker 1: 8:31

Mindfulness is this awareness without judgment. What is happening in my brain, what are the thoughts, the beliefs that are floating around in my brain that are causing this depressive feeling in my body? And so one of the things when I was thinking about my clients and myself and what some of the antidotes to that are one of the antidotes, is that question what do you love about you? What do you love about you? Because notice again, we say it all the time where your focus goes, your energy flows. So if your focus is on, I'm behind, I'm not worthy, I'm never going to figure it out, I'm too old, I'm too young, I'm too stupid, I'm too artsy, I'm not dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Right. If that's where our focus goes, where's your energy flowing? If you've been in a depressive state, my number one ask is to mindfully notice what the thoughts are that you're thinking. Your thoughts are your beliefs. Your belief is just a thought. You think again and again I use those two words interchangeably right? So your belief or your thought, what?

Speaker 2: 9:28

are you?

Speaker 1: 9:28

believing. What are you thinking? Your beliefs, your thoughts are influencing how you're feeling, and when we shift to a place of what do I love about me sincerely shift to what do I love about me Now, we're in a different energy, right? So here's some questions that I have for you. If you're driving right now, save this episode or listen to it the whole way through and maybe talk to the people in your car. If you're driving by yourself, do some self-talk, maybe pauses as we're going. If you are sitting at a desk area and you have a place to write, see if you can write these questions down.

Speaker 1: 10:01

Or just save this episode and come back to it when you're feeling depressive again, when you're feeling yourself not in alignment, not feeling your best, feeling off, feeling funky, feeling wonky for longer than you want to be. Feeling wonky, wonky. Emotions are fine. Right, bad quote, bad, excuse me. Emotions are fine. There's nothing inherently bad with bad emotions. Emotions are just emotions. They're just there to let us know what's going on. But when you've noticed that for two weeks, for maybe a few hours longer than you wanted to, you're still feeling funky, that's when we get to go in and check in what's going on there. So save this for the next time that you're feeling funky, because it happens. Life is 50-50.

Speaker 1: 10:39

But that first question is what do you love about you? Do you love your hair? Do you love the way that you speak to people? Do you love your thoughtfulness? Do you love your energy? Do you love that you're a great dancer? Do you love that you're a great hugger? Do you love that you're a great listener? Do you love your butt? Do you love your nose? Do you love that you draw flowers really well? Do you love that you're really good at marketing and so when you get on Canva, you can make something real quick, real cute. You have a great eye. What do you love about you and what I want you to do? This is the mindfulness piece that's Awareness Without Judgment. I want you to notice. I'm asking you this question and, as you're unpacking this, is there any part of you that is mean about it when you go to say, oh, I love my nose.

Speaker 2: 11:24

Is there another part of you that crops up?

Speaker 1: 11:25

and says your nose isn't really that cute though, right? Or you say, oh, I love, how good I am at dancing. And then another part of your brain says, well, you don't have to dance anymore. The last time you danced was when you were in middle school. What do you mean? You love to dance. Notice that. Notice if there are parts of you that arise when you're trying to cheer yourself on that are ready to beat you down. Check in.

Speaker 1: 11:46

Notice that part with love. We're not going to be like, oh, bad part of me, get away, get away. No, we just know. Oh, isn't that so interesting that when I'm over here trying to cheer myself on, there's another part of me that's still trying to actively tear myself down. Where does that come from? Sometimes it comes from a parent. Sometimes it comes from years of us just being ourselves up. Sometimes it comes from what we call the world. Right, we've seen so many people on social media doing so many things, so we create a message in our brain that says, oh, you can't be famous if you don't live in California, New York or another big city. Right, notice those thoughts.

Speaker 2: 12:19

Here's some other questions for you. What do you?

Speaker 1: 12:21

do well. What do you do well? Do you bake really well? Do you sing really well? Do you hug really well? Do you write really good stories? Do you tell really good stories? Do you garden really well? What do you do really well? Maybe for some of you, you haven't asked yourself this in a while, so it might take a second for something to come up to your brain. That's okay. Don't beat yourself up that you don't have 10 answers right now. Right, what do you do well? Here's my next question for you when in your life have you felt especially happy or empowered? Maybe it was for me.

Speaker 1: 12:58

I think back to when I was the JPO captain. My mom left a photo album that she's been working on I kid you not for 12 years off and on. It's my whole childhood, all the way through high school. She finally left it here before she left and I was looking at it. This morning I had a moment of pride. I was the junior police officer captain. I told you guys that in the last episode, when I was talking about my life coach background story how I've always been drawn to leadership I was looking at those pictures this morning and I just felt proud. Again my husband was like wow, look, how serious you look. I was like I took my job really seriously. That was a time in my life that I felt especially empowered. I was in fourth grade directing traffic. The picture that I have in the album is me standing at a crosswalk and I have a stop sign. I took it very seriously. I was directing adults in cars to make sure they didn't hit the kids who were crossing the street at our elementary school. I felt very empowered then.

Speaker 1: 13:49

I want you to go to your places in your memory, or even last week, maybe you hosted Thanksgiving and you felt so good about it. Or maybe you attended Thanksgiving and there's so many there that you don't really like, but you are so proud of the way that you showed up and were super kind and polite. When in your life have you felt especially happy or empowered? Just go there, bathe in it for a little bit, spend some time in that memory and then pull from it. What elements of it made you feel happy? Was it the people that were around you? Was it the environment that you were in? Was it how you were feeling because you were standing on stage and you were singing at that talent show and you felt so proud of yourself for getting on stage and using your voice.

Speaker 1: 14:30

Check in when in your life have you felt especially happy or empowered? Here's my next question for you how do you like to procrastinate? How do you like to procrastinate? I love this question because the way that we buffer or procrastinate often shows what we naturally are drawn towards, and for many of us in this modern day and age, we find ourselves scrolling. So you could even take that okay, I scroll when I procrastinate?

Speaker 1: 14:55

Okay, but what are you looking at? Because everybody's feeds a little bit different. My mom's feed has a lot of church in it, a lot of different churches, a lot of different pastors, a lot of different Christian blockers. We'll call it. My feed has a lot of spirituality and mindfulness and happy habits and positive psychology. What's in your feed when you're scrolling and you're looking at different things and what are you looking?

Speaker 2: 15:18

for.

Speaker 1: 15:18

What brings you joy? What videos make you happy?

Speaker 2: 15:21

Is it a bunch of cat?

Speaker 1: 15:21

videos. Is that how you like to procrastinate? It doesn't matter, it doesn't have to be anything profound. So this is a really fun question, because sometimes we learn things about ourselves when we check in. How do I procrastinate? How do I waste quote, waste time? What am I drawing towards when I'm doing that? Another one for me is Pinterest. I love going on Pinterest and I will just look at clothes. I love looking at clothes. So that tells me, one of the things that brings me joy and brings me back into alignment is fashion, creative fashion and clothes and things like that. Right? What is it for you?

Speaker 1: 15:51

Here's my next question for you what career would you do if all of your needs were met and you could do whatever you wanted? So this career doesn't have to make you any money. All of your needs are already met. Right? This is just for funsies. This is just like to pass your time. How do you want to spend your time? What career is this? Are you feeding the homeless? Are you painting murals? Are you dancing on Broadway? And let's make it easy too. We're going to make it super easy for the brain, because the brain is like well, that's Broadway, I got to try out. I got to move to New York. All of this is easy and taken care of.

Speaker 1: 16:24

If that were the case, what would you want to do? Right, and the reality is, no matter what you do, there's gonna be some level of challenge. Whether you wanna be a Broadway star, a blogger, a principal, a mother, whatever it is, there's gonna be some level of challenge. But let's, just for the sake of this question, take that out. What would you be doing If it was easy, if it could just be given to you? How would you be spending your time? What would you be doing with your time? All of your needs were met? Just for the sake of joy, just for the sake of fulfillment? Would you be traveling? Would you be a flight attendant? Would you be an artist? Would you be a podcaster? Would you work in Cirque du Soleil? What would it be for you? And maybe, if you don't know, that's okay, spend some time. Just what would I do if I didn't have to work for money, if I worked sincerely, just for joy? What would that be? What would that look like? What would I be doing? How would I be spending my time? Play with that? Play with that?

Speaker 1: 17:20

Right, for the example, when I was doing the notes for this podcast episode, I wrote down that for me it'd be a singer, dancer, actress, show hostess. And I laughed because that's been something my entire life. I was one of those kids that if you watched Disney Channel and they did the wand and they did the Disney ears, I would even practice doing that. I wanted to be on Disney Channel so bad. I wanted to be that singer, dancer, actress, show hostess that did a little bit of everything. And as I wrote that down preparing for this podcast episode, I laughed to myself because I was so proud of myself. I might not be a Disney Channel star, I might not be friends with Lindsay Lohan or Zendaya, but I have all of those elements in my life and I've had all of those elements in my life throughout my life.

Speaker 1: 17:58

When I went to college I was a host for pageants and I danced on a dance troupe and I was an actress in the Jewish Community Center. I did Chicago. I had no idea, you guys, that's a whole story for another time. I said JCC, community Center puts on Chicago. Come and audition. I came and auditioned and I realized that JCC stood for Jewish Community Center. I had no idea, but I had so much fun. I ended up being one of the leads for the women that killed their husbands. Right, I was an actress and singing, I will say, has died off a little bit, but you will catch me sing words now and again. On a daily basis I sing words and so for you, what is it, and what elements of what you love can you bring into your current life?

Speaker 2: 18:38

When I think about now.

Speaker 1: 18:40

I'm not necessarily singing as much. What's been interesting is, lately I've really wanted to go back and take piano lessons. My whole life I've wanted to take piano lessons. So I don't know why I'm saying go back. I've never taken piano lessons, I've only been self-taught. I had a keyboard when I was in middle school and high school and I would play on it and I was learning songs and learned how to sing and stuff like that, and so now that's been coming up a lot for me again and I'm thinking that in 2024, that's going to be a goal for me is to go back to piano lessons. It's gonna bring up that singing in me again. I've already recently started going back to pole classes for dancing. I don't know how I'm gonna sneak some acting in there, maybe on my reels, maybe I'll do some lip syncs, but this is what I mean.

Speaker 1: 19:17

What do you love? What would you be doing? Like for you it's like being a florist and owning my own coffee shop. Okay, what elements of that can you bring into your current life? You might not be able to snap your fingers and have a coffee shop tomorrow, but maybe you really love coffee and you love learning about the different coffees around the world and you really love interacting with people. Okay, great. Could you start a meetup group around coffee? Could you invite five friends over once a month to try new coffees that you've bought from World Market and some local, different vendors? Right? How can you pull elements of the big dream into your current life? This, I think, aids in those depressive and anxious feelings. So much, so, so much. Don't wait until you have the lease for a coffee shop to enjoy coffee, to enjoy learning about coffee, to enjoy people. No, implement that in your life today. Start the meetup group or join one. Join a local coffee group I'm sure your city has one, and if they don't, be the first to start it. What elements of the big dream can you bring into your current life?

Speaker 1: 20:19

Here's my last question for this episode how might you help your future self remember how fabulous you are? First of all, the prerequisite to this is do you believe that you're fabulous and you can sub that out for anything, right? Do you believe that you're confident, fabulous, kind, poised, beautiful, whatever it is that you want to believe about you? Right, you get to substitute whatever word that is, but you truly have to believe that for yourself, that I am confident, I am fabulous, I am a boss, I am organized, I am beautiful. You have to own that for yourself. So pick whatever word works for you. I'm going to use fabulous. How might you help your future self remember how fabulous you are? I have a few different offerings for you to help you out with this. Take what sticks you, leave the rest. The first one is you hear it all the time Vision board. And often we hear vision board, we think it's only the future.

Speaker 1: 21:15

No, no, no, no I want you to put current elements, things that you love about your current life and your current self. Put that on your vision board. You put future stuff on there, of course, but put current stuff on there as well. Create a vision board that celebrates where you are and who you are, as well as where you're going and who you would like to be. Right, both are on that board. That vision board hang it somewhere.

Speaker 1: 21:35

I'm looking at mine. I'm sitting at my desk in my green office. It is to the right of my desk. I can look at it on a daily basis. I have pictures of Tyler and I on it. I have what do I have old like notes that I've written from years ago. So my board is sincerely a mix of old and new and when I look at it I can pull the parts of myself and smiling of, just like looking at it, that I love about me right now, that that keep me anchored to who I am right now, without me always feeling like, oh, I need to be someone else. Oh, I'm not good until. Oh, this is where I need to be. No, I'm not.

Speaker 1: 22:08

Vision board Put where you are right now which are proud of right now. So that's one way that you can have a reminder, a physical reminder, of how fabulous you are. Especially when we're in depressive periods, it's good to have things around us in front of our face to remind us, because the brain can very quickly get into and stay in that downward spiral. We're trying to upward spiral right now. Okay, so the first one is a vision board. I have four more for you. The next one is sticky note affirmation. Super easy, if you have sticky notes, if you don't get them, if you don't want to, don't worry about it, but just like a sticky note whether you could do a digital one and make it your screen saver, like that. We're up physical sticky notes where you stick it in your physical planner. If you carry on a physical planner, or you stick it on your fridge, or you stick it on your, your mirror when you wake up in the morning, somewhere where you will see it.

Speaker 1: 22:52

That says I am confident, I am fabulous, I love my teeth. Right, something positive. It doesn't have to be an I am affirmation, it could be. I love how thoughtful I am, I love my teeth. I love what a good listener I am. You're so fabulous, I'm a great kisser. Whatever it is.

Speaker 1: 23:11

If you scroll back on my Instagram, for my birthday I did a whole frame of just compliments to myself. They were part affirmation, part compliments. One of them was you're such a good kisser. And my sister later on was like, did you write that to yourself? I said yes, I sure did. I know I'm a good kisser and I want to remind myself. I stuck that right on my mirror, right, right.

Speaker 1: 23:31

Whatever you want to write, and again, as you write these things, I want you to notice the part of you that says nah, uh, uh. Notice that part of you. And again, with love, and if you can write that down, the, the, the ego. When the ego shows up, that's just the like. The part of you that's obsessed with identity, the part of you that's not nice. That's what Christians would say Satan right, use whatever works best for you, but notice when that voice crops up. Our job is to not let that voice continue to run the show, but rather notice it, acknowledge it and focus on what you want to focus on. Don't focus on all what I can right Cause very quickly, that's that downward spiral. We're trying to upwards spiral. Focus on what serves you. Notice if the thoughts you're thinking are serving you.

Speaker 1: 24:15

Here's the next one hype file, screenshots album. This, I love this. I recommend to all of my clients a hype file or screenshots album. It's just a way to collect all of the good vibes.

Speaker 1: 24:26

When someone compliments you on your business, when someone compliments you on your outfit, maybe they send it to you in a text.

Speaker 1: 24:31

When someone compliments you on the presentation that you gave, or your partner says that you look so good today, take a screenshot of it. Save those emails, put them in a file. So when you are in these depressive, funky spaces and you're writing is like I can't, I'm behind, I will never. You have evidence to the contrary you can open up that high file. You can go back to those messages and see the positive impact you have had on others and let that guide you to your next level. Let that hopefully be the catalyst for an upward spiral that cuts that noise, that saying I can't, I won't, I never will. I'm too behind and too old and too young. I can't figure it out. I haven't figured it out already. We want to cut that noise. Those thoughts are not serving you. Those beliefs are not serving you. Instead, let's shift to the time that that one person gave you that amazing compliment because you did such a great job on their kitchen. You're an interior designer and they loved it.

Speaker 1: 25:23

Hey, that's why I love the high file, that one. I actually have to give credit to Marie for Leo. Everything is figure addables from that book. Love that recommendation, have kept it ever since. I have screenshots literally in my phone that I go to from clients, dms, things like that, when I have helped somebody, when someone feels especially grateful. Sometimes clients just reach out. It's the sweetest thing and I love it where they're just like thank you, thank you for what you've done. I just use a tool that we've worked on and I'm out here using it in the world and I'm noticing the impact that our work together has done. Things like that.

Speaker 1: 25:56

I love to read that, because it doesn't matter that I've been doing this for five years. It doesn't matter that the podcast has over 10,000 downloads. I, too, live a 50-50 life and have moments where it's like crap, am I ever going to be able to speak on a stage before or again? Right, I've done a keynote. Will I ever do a keynote again? Am I really making a difference in people's lives? Am I actually a good life coach? Those thoughts come up for me and then I go to my high five and I remember oh my gosh, yes, yes, I'm great at what I do. It's not to say that I'm Jesus and I'll never get better.

Speaker 1: 26:24

No, I'm definitely going to continue to get better, but I'm not going to sit here and continue to beat myself up and say I'm not good enough. I'm so worthy, I've done such good work. Here's proof for it, brain. So I love a good high file. I have two more for you. The next one is old notes or cards from loved ones. This, I could say, could go in the high file as well. I have a letter from my dad. It's a handwritten letter that says how proud he is of me, because for me, my perspective is that those were few and far between when he would tell me he was proud of me. And so I have a letter on my gallery wall from my father that tells me how proud he is of me and that I put a smile on his beautiful face. It literally says this you put a smile on my beautiful face is what it says in that letter.

Speaker 1: 27:09

It is on my wall and I've read it probably once a month where I go over to it and I read it and it makes me feel better because, again, like I led into this podcast episode, there was a season in which all of the work that I was doing was to prove to him that I'm worthy, that I can be successful, and so that note, in combination with my mindset that I've been working on for years, helps me to remember that I have nothing to prove to him, that he is proud of me.

Speaker 1: 27:33

And I would say that, even if you don't have that letter for the friend that doesn't have that letter from their father, that you can still practice being proud of yourself without that. The brain says it might be harder, and absolutely we're not going to say that it's easy, but I would offer that you don't need a single piece of hype evidence from anybody in order to feel proud, but what I'm offering is that it does help. Right, we are a communal species. We are wired for connectivity, and so being able to have proof of other people in the world recognizing your strengths or what you do well is very helpful. The last one is a lot of fun. The premise here is how might you help your future self remember how fabulous you are?

Speaker 1: 28:16

So the last one here is having a playlist, having a playlist that maybe it has some of your favorite old songs, maybe it was that one time that you were in the talent show and you and your best friend danced to that one song and it made you so happy. Put that on your playlist. Putting a playlist together that just brings you joy, that when it hits, you can't help but to move, you can't help but to bop your shoulders, even if you're in a depressive funk. Music does wonders. Moving the body does wonders. Wonders for depression. Movement is like a such a healing drug for so much. So that's why I put playlist on here as well, because it gets us a little bit out of the mindset and gets us more so into our body, right? And so when we play that music, when you have those songs on there that bring you joy, hopefully the intention there is that you start to physically move your body and that that movement will then help to catalyst, or catalyze an upwards spiral. I want you to feel better.

Speaker 1: 29:11

Here's why this is important.

Speaker 1: 29:14

When we are in a place of sincere gratitude, joy, appreciation, we're more calm, we're able to problem solve with greater ease and we're able better able, rather, to support others.

Speaker 1: 29:27

Right, it's the difference between waking up and dreading the day and waking up with some optimism already plugged into your system, right? The person that wakes up dreading the day this is not everybody. Again, take me to see you leave the rest but more often than not it's because we're coming from this complaining space I don't like my life, I don't like my job, I don't like myself, I wish I was more confident, I wish I was further ahead. When we wake up with that, when that's your energy, when those are your thoughts and your beliefs, how do you think you're going to feel Crummy, frustrated, annoyed, depressed, right? If you're constantly thinking that there's a good chance, you are feeling depressed and it makes sense that you are feeling that way, when those are your thoughts. But when we, on purpose, focus on what we do well, who we are as a light in the world, what we love about ourselves, the energy shifts along with it and then we wake up from a place of you know what.

Speaker 2: 30:21

Maybe I don't love my job. I'm not trying to brainwash anybody. I always want you to be honest.

Speaker 1: 30:26

Maybe you don't love your job, but if you love yourself, you treat yourself differently. Right, that's what I want to get at. That's what I want to wake up more. That's what I want to give more energy and focus to what is going well. What do I love about myself? What control do I have in my life?

Speaker 1: 30:45

I think so many times we think about these big dreams and we just think about. Our brain notices, rather, the gap between where we are and where we want to be. If we don't have the house or the person or the confidence or the paycheck right, the brain logically analyzes between where we are and where we want to be. What I'm offering is that maybe there's not such a big gap. Maybe you can have what you want right now. Maybe not in the full out way, like we said with the coffee shop, but maybe don't wait three years so you can have the coffee shop. Maybe you find the group now. Maybe you put the affirmation on your mirror in the morning that tells you I am sexy. And as you start to think that thought to yourself and embody that I am sexy, maybe you start to notice the way you speak to yourself changes. And then maybe you start to notice the way that you dress yourself changes because you're like well, if I do believe I'm sexy, I'm not wearing this anymore. This doesn't make me feel sexy. This makes me feel dumpy and this makes me feel just like outdated. No, I'm going to start grabbing the things in my closet that actually make me feel sexy. That is the premise, that is the intention here.

Speaker 1: 31:47

Where our focus goes, our energy flows what are you focusing on? Are you focusing on everything that's not going well? It makes sense if you are, because the brain is a problem solver, right, it makes sense if that's where you've been. Well, what I'm offering is maybe take a pause. Maybe you don't have to focus on what's not going well just for five minutes. Maybe for five minutes, you could just shift to what is going well. What do I love about myself? What am I good at? For five minutes a day, and just notice how that impacts your mood and therefore impacts the way that you show up.

Speaker 1: 32:18

Take what sticks you, my friends, leave the rest. Keep checking in where your focus goes, your energy flows. Are you focusing on what you want to focus on or is your focus not serving you? You know by how you feel. Bad feelings do not mean that there are bad emotions or you're doing anything bad or wrong. It's just that there's something coming up. That's maybe not an alignment, and if you continue to ignore what your body is trying to tell you, it makes sense that we fall into depressive episodes. The brain says well, you're not gonna try anyway, you're not gonna do anything different anyway, so why should I care? It is up to you, my friend, and I say that with love because I know that it's hard.

Speaker 1: 33:02

I absolutely know that it's hard when you're in a depressive funk to choose optimism, to choose to get out of bed and to choose happy thoughts and to choose to put together a vision board or to choose to put together a high-file, because often we're in, we're depressed, we're apathetic and we don't want to do anything, don't want to do anything, don't want to speak to anybody, because guess what?

Speaker 1: 33:22

it doesn't matter anyway. And what I want to offer is that it does matter, that you matter, that your dreams matter, that they're possible, that you're capable, that you're wonderful, that you're worthy, and I can say this to you all day long, but you have to believe it for you.

Speaker 1: 33:35

I will be your cheerleader all day long. My friends, I have a deal going right now three coaching calls for 175,. It's my once a year deal between Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Snag it now. I will cheerly do on all day. But I will also say that it comes down to you and your thoughts. You can hire the best coach in the world, but if you truly do not believe that you are worthy or capable, it doesn't matter. You have to believe that you're worthy, you have to believe that you're capable because ultimately, those are the women that hire me.

Speaker 1: 34:05

They believe that they're worthy. They believe that they're capable. They just want some help getting there. It's not that they don't believe that they truly do. They know that their big dreams are possible. I'm just here to remind them that it is when they forget and to give them the tools to bounce back when set setbacks happen, because they do.

Speaker 1: 34:22

Life is 50-50, but I hope that in the 50-50 of life you don't forget how fabulous you are, how capable you are, even when hard stuff happens. You have the ability to see success, as you define success, and you have everything you need right now. I know it doesn't feel like it for some of y'all, but you have everything you need right now to see and to experience success. As you see success. Believe that my friends play with the possibility. I'll see you next week. Hey friend, if you like this podcast, I would love it. If you give us a five-star rating, share it with your friends, share it with somebody another girl, boss, babe that you know is grinding, showing up as her best self and can maybe use some support on her way. If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, if this podcast resonates with you and you're ready for some one-on-one support support for you and your journey. Go ahead to nondikamillecom to learn more or head over to nondikamilleasme to sign up for your free discovery call. I'll see you soon, Queen.