The Gift Of Anticipation

The future you want can start changing before anything “big” changes... simply by shifting what you expect. This week on Believe Like a Boss I’m diving into a mindset that sounds simple but hits deep: the gift of anticipation. I open with one question that instantly reveals what’s going on under the surface: What are you looking forward to right now? Your answer tells you whether you’re moving through life with joyful anticipation or bracing yourself with resistant anticipation. 

We unpack what I call resistant or duplicit anticipation, that push-pull energy where you want the goal but you’re also rehearsing why it won’t happen. Then I connect the spiritual language of “blocked energy” to neuroscience through the reticular activating system, the built-in filter that works like a Google search bar in your brain. When you expect failure, your mind starts collecting proof. When you expect growth, you notice options, resources, and evidence that you’re getting closer. I also share research on positive anticipation, well-being, and stress coping, plus how the way you anticipate your day affects how you show up at work, in your business, and in relationships. 

You’ll leave with a practical homework practice for the week: awareness without judgment, listening for “I have to” and experimenting with “I get to,” and deciding what needs to shift. Sometimes it’s your thinking. Sometimes it’s your environment. Either way, we’re aiming for an aligned life where success looks like liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. If this helps you, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a five-star review so more people can find the show.

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Transcript

Welcome Back And Coaching Options

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of Believe Like a Boss. I am your host, life coach, Nandi Camille. Welcome back, my friends. I am jazz jacked, excited, just so grateful to have the podcast back. Season eight, episode two. I'm ready. To be honest, I really didn't think that good leaders was how we were gonna start off season eight. But that's what has been speaking to me. And honestly, I've been talking to so many women people about leadership, about how it feels like, you know, there's this big exodus of the work field. A lot of people are changing their jobs. And I feel so strongly that it's because they have poor leaders, in part because maybe they don't enjoy the work that they're doing anymore. But I guarantee you that if at least 50% of people had better leaders, I bet 50% of people wouldn't even leave their job, right? If you're paying your bills and you enjoy your boss, the people that you work with, even if you don't really enjoy the work that you're doing, you're more likely to stay. It just happens that way. There's nothing wrong with that. We're wired for connection as human beings, right? And so it makes sense that if you're feeling connected to your boss, if you're feeling connected to your coworkers, the people that you work with, that you're more likely to stay, again, even if the work is a little bit tedious or not as much fun. If you have a good boss, that boss is probably making it fun and showing you how you're gaining life skills, even though you're doing work that is also not that exciting, right? So we dove right into leaders last week. If you missed that episode, go back and listen. Season eight, we're so excited, we being me. And hopefully you too. But I'm very excited just to be able to connect with you all in this way. Um, and if you've been listening to this podcast for a while and you've wanted to book a discovery call, wondered what it's like to coach with me, send me an email, hello at naundicamille.com. Just ask some questions, or you can always book a free discovery call. This naundicamille.as.me. These notes are also in the show notes. If you ever click on the podcast where the notes are the kind of the synopsis for the podcast, links will also be there. Book a discovery call. If you've been thinking about it for a while, it's a really great way to connect. I can help you directly with your goals, with your hangups, with whatever limiting beliefs are getting in your way. You don't have to be stuck. Stuck and confused are a choice. And if you're like, I'm not quite ready yet, come follow me on social media at naughty.camille. I give lots of pep talks on my stories quite often. I love to have fun on there. I really feel like if we're not having fun, we're not doing it. It's kind of my vibe for life. In reality, right? Like doing the dishes and things like that are not always fun. But that's where then you get to make it fun, right? So it kind of segueing into what we're talking about today before I go off the rails too much. So today I'm talking about the gift of anticipation. The gift of anticipation, right? And so I've been thinking truly, I'm always thinking about you all. I'm thinking about the listeners of the podcast, I'm thinking about my clients, I'm thinking about what is it that's getting in their way of getting to the next level? What little nugget might I offer that is gonna unlock something to get them past whatever it is that it feels like is stuck in their path, right? So, what came up for me was the gift of anticipation. So, first and foremost, I want to ask you a question. I want to ask you a question. What are you looking forward to? What are you looking forward to? I just want you to like pause. Don't pause the podcast. I'm not, you don't have to do that. Or you could, like, if you really want to stop and think about this question, really think about it. What are you looking forward to right now? And notice what comes up. Just like we're having a mindful moment all together right now. For some of you, you have like a vacation or something planned, like your sister's birthday party, or your friend's baby shower, or you're you have a new first day of work coming up, or you're looking forward to an event that you're hosting, or you're looking forward to your podcast launching, right? You have some big things, maybe some milestones like that. And maybe for some other people, it's like, well, I don't have anything that I'm looking forward to because I don't have any milestones. I'm not traveling these days, I don't have any close friendships. Just notice what your brain did when I asked the question. What are you looking forward to? What are you looking forward to? The reason why I'm asking this question is because I want to play with a concept of anticipation and how joyful anticipation influences the way we show up versus what I'm calling resistant anticipation. Or rather, what that really is is just duplicit anticipation, but we'll get into that in just a second. So let's talk about anticipation and the posture you take towards it. I've really loved the kind of for me, it's imagery. Explaining something is like the posture, right? I think I used this word last week as well. Like the posture you're taking. I've been taking a posture of openness. My energy postures, like I've been more open. But today we're talking about like what is the posture you're taking towards anticipation? Are you in a posture of joyful anticipation? Like when you're looking at your life, are you joyfully anticipating your life and your goals? Let's zoom in on your goals a little bit. What are your goals? Bring them to your mind. Are you joyfully anticipating completing your goals? Or do you find that you have a lot of resistant or duplicit anticipation when you think about your goals? Let's break this down. What are you talking about, Nandi? Well, let me tell you. Okay, so when we're talking about resistant anticipation, that I feel makes the most sense to my brain. Resistant anticipation. That means that like I'm anticipating something, but there's some resistance in my body about it, right? So I'm looking forward to something and there's uh there's this force, right? But the reason why I say hand in hand, it's also called duplicit, is because the term duplicity. So if you've been here a while, if you've been in the personal development space, you've heard this word. If you're new here, welcome. Duplicity meaning I want an aligned partner, and maybe all the good men are taken, right? That's a good example of duplicity. Wanting something, but then also kind of stopping yourself from getting the thing you want. Again, with that example, I want an aligned partner. I really, I see myself having an aligned partner. I'm a good catch. I know I could have an aligned partner. I just, I'm so excited to just have somebody to go grocery shopping with, do Christmas with, meet their families. Like, oh, that would feel so good. And at the same time, you're walking around thinking, all the good men are taken. There's no good men out there, all the stupid men are out on days, there's no good men on the apps, there's no good partners anywhere, right? That's duplicit. You genuinely do want an aligned partner, maybe a man if that's what you're looking for, right? And at the same time, you don't feel like there's any good men out there. That's duplicity, right? That's duplicit energy. You are keeping yourself from getting to your goal. So think about that for yourself and your goals. Are you blocking your energy when it comes to your goals by having resistant anticipation? Now, when I say blocking your energy, you know I love neuroscience and spirituality here. When you say blocking your energy, what does this actually mean? In the spiritual realm, blocking your energy, you know, you can pick up what I'm putting down, means that I'm not aligning with the manifestation. That means I'm not gonna get what I want. I'm not in the vibe. What that means on a neuroscientific level, you have your reticular activating system, right? And so if you're thinking the thought, there's no good men out there. I'm never gonna get any signed clients, or I'm never gonna sign any aligned clients, or I'm never gonna make the money that I want to make, or I'm always gonna be in this really not fun job. Those thoughts, your reticular activating system, I like to call it the Google search bar in your brain, is going to look for evidence of that. So if you're saying I'm never gonna sign the clients, your brain says, okay. And it's gonna look for evidence that you're never going to sign the clients. That's why in the woo-woo realm we say blocking your energy. In the neuroscientific realm, though, your reticular activating system is now looking for evidence to support the claim that you have made. So, how are you looking at your goals and how are you anticipating them? And again, when you zoom out, not just looking at your goals, how are you anticipating your life from moment to moment? Right? Let's look at these side by side. Joyful anticipation. Let's say you're in a job that you don't really like right now, or a job that's not as fulfilling to you, and you can see this life as a full-time entrepreneur, business owner, you're running your own business, you have a bakery, you have a Pilates studio, you are making clay earrings, you are coaching, you are consulting, you're doing the thing, right? That's what you're doing in your mind side. But on a day-to-day basis, right now, you have to go to this job that you're not really excited about. Joyful anticipation, that posture is a posture of a mindset of this is a stepping stone. Right? If you know for sure I am going to be my own boss, I am going to have my own business one day. Joyful anticipation, it is going to happen. I'm affirming it. If you truly, truly, truly believe that it is going to happen, then on your day-to-day, when you're going to this job that's not that exciting, not that fun, you have space to be joyful, right? If you know for sure I'm not going to be here one day, that means you can have peace while you're here right now. That means you can continue to learn while you're here right now. This is a stepping stone. I'm learning skills that I will use in my business. I'm learning customer service. I'm learning how to work with people that I don't like to work with. I'm learning how to work with hard people. I'm learning how to have hard conversations. So I'm learning how to communicate better, joyful anticipation versus same, same exact scenario, right? You have a dream placed on your heart and you're you want to be your own business owner, but you have resistant anticipation, duplicit anticipation, right? So I really, really, really want to build this business. I would love to do it, but it's probably not gonna happen. It's gonna take so long for me to get there, especially if I have to work this job all the time. I'm never gonna get there. I'm never gonna sign the clients. It's gonna take forever to get there. No one appreciates me here. I hate it here. I cannot wait to get out of here. You're still anticipating getting out of there. You still anticipate that you're gonna get there one day, but you hear the difference? Joyful anticipation. I'm getting out. It is happening. So why beat myself up right now? There's no reason to beat myself up right now. I'm so excited about where I'm going and the goal that I'm about to accomplish. There's no need for negative energy in my present moment. Versus if I am looking at my current situation with resistant anticipation, oh, I'm never gonna get out of here. Or you might believe that you're gonna get out of here. I'm gonna get out of here, but it's gonna be so hard. I'm gonna get out of here, but it's gonna take so long. I'm gonna get out of here, but it's gonna be such hard work. Resistant anticipation. Check in. As I like to say here, there's no wrong answer, right? I'm not here to blame or shame anybody. Wherever you are on the spectrum is wherever you are. It's just information. There's nothing wrong with wherever you are. You just get to check in and decide. Do I want to be here? Right? If I'm at a job that I don't enjoy and I'm complaining every single day, we have some options. I can shift my mindset and find things that I'm excited about, find things that I am genuinely learning about, find how I am learning skills now that will apply to my future job, my future career one day. That's an option. I could also leave the job. Doesn't mean quit your job, go start your business. You could do that. That's an option too. But maybe find another job that's more in alignment for you right now, that is more enjoyable, that then promotes more joyful anticipation. Check in, where are you? Right? Our complaining never serves us. If we are in a posture of resistant, duplicit anticipation, we're likely complaining. Have you been complaining, my friend? Check in. Complaining never serves us. That's our victim energy, right? Victim versus victor energy, scarcity versus abundance energy. Same thing, just different words, right? Where are you? When we're in a posture of resistant, duplicit anticipation, it's a victim mentality. I'm never gonna get there. There's never enough men. Uh, there's never enough clients. Uh, social media is so saturated already. How am I gonna stand out? I really want to stand out, I really want to have an aligned person, I really want to have a happy marriage, I really want to have aligned clients, I really do want to stand out on social media and have a really cool aligned community that I love sharing information with, but I don't know if that's gonna happen for me. Check in. Where are you? Right? Victim versus victor energy. If you've noticed, oh, I have been in victim energy, that's okay. Give yourself love. Beating yourself up in that place will not help you get to victor energy. A victor is excited, right? There's self-esteem there. They know it's going to work out. There's a self-confidence there, a grounded self-confidence that even if I get knocked down, even if I'm not exactly where I want to be right now, I know it's going to happen, joyful anticipation. I know it's going to work out, joyful anticipation. But let me not just talk at you. There are some studies that have been done, my friends. So a few different studies. One that was done by the cognitive neuroscience study on reward systems by Xing Lao, and I apologize if I said that incorrectly, their name, they saw that well-being or positive anticipation boosted well-being. By just positively anticipating the next thing, your goal, whatever it is you're thinking about, you will boost your well-being. Another study on anticipation and stress coping mechanisms by Samuel Monfort found that positive anticipation can improve your mood during stress. Right? So it's helpful. When we positively anticipate, we shift our energy. That is, we tell our reticular activating system to focus on what is going well and to focus on what will continue to go well. And then from that place, which is so beautiful, is if you affirm I am a well-known author and I write children's books, and people love my books, and it is a bestseller. If you are affirming that and you have positive anticipation that that of course is going to happen, how do you show up in the world differently than the per version of you that's like, I don't know if I can write a best selling book, and there's so many authors out there. What I'm not saying is don't be don't ever be nervous, always be confident. That's not what I'm saying. Not at all. I'm saying notice your nervousness, notice the parts of you that are scared, notice your fear with love, and then position again, shift your posture towards the version of you who has already completed the goal, who already has the happy marriage, who has the body that they love, who has relationships that they cherish. How does that version of you think about themselves, show up, act, behave? That is how our joyful anticipation then turns into positive action, which then turns into positive results. Right? I want you to zoom out again. And I want you to use this twofold. Zoom in, use this with your goals. How am I thinking about my goals? But then zoom out day to day, right? What is the anticipation posture in your life from moment to moment? When you wake up in the morning, what are you expecting for your day? Do you have positive anticipation for your day? Or do you have resistant anticipation for your day? When you get up in the morning, you think about the day you're about to have. Oh, I'm gonna work on this, and I'm gonna do this project, and I'm gonna talk to this person. I am so joyfully anticipating the projects, the efforts that I'm gonna put in today, the things I'm gonna do today, the people I'm gonna see today. Check in. Or are you somewhere along the lines of uh another day? I have to go talk to this person, I have to go and do this, then I have to go and do that. Are you checking? I have to or I get to. Right? Maybe you have to, but maybe even just changing it to I get to shifts your energy towards positive anticipation. Here's your homework, my friends. I want you to watch yourself, right? Mindfulness here that is awareness without judgment. I want you to watch yourself. Watch yourself throughout the week without even trying to like go in and make any changes yet. If you're ready to go make changes, go for it. But take the pressure off of needing to make any changes. I want you to just watch yourself when you wake up in the morning. Notice your thoughts. Are you in joyful anticipation of your day? How do you anticipate life, work, friends? Do you anticipate them with joy and excitement? And again, this is not to be 100% happy 100% of the time because there is no such thing. Life will always be 50-50. There will always be moments of boredom, sadness, jealousy, anger. That's just a part of life. Welcome to humaning. We're never gonna get rid of the quote negative emotions. That's not what we're trying to do here. But what we are trying to do is be mindful, be thoughtful, create lives on purpose. That maybe there is still 50-50 that's not fun and exciting, but I'd rather that 50-50 be in things that I enjoy doing, right? Maybe doing my taxes is tedious, but I'm so grateful that I get to do it for my business and for a career that I love. Check in. How do you want to anticipate life? You get to decide, right? As always, take what six you leave the rest. I'm not here to tell anybody how to live any life. I'm here to offer to you what might be helpful in living your most aligned life. How do you want to anticipate life? How do you want to wake up in the morning? How do you want to feel about your work as you go to work? How do you want to feel about your business? How do you want to feel about your relationships? How do you want to feel as you're driving up to that event? How do you want to feel as you're driving up to that date? How do you want to feel as you're dot dot dot in life? How do you want to feel? Right? This is not being about, excuse me, this is not about being detached from truth. Right? If you notice that you always have a negative anticipatory feeling every time you go to work or see a certain person, what might you change to make your work or relationship better? Right. If you feel negative, there's a negative anticipation, there's a resistant anticipation every single time you're going to work. First and foremost, what thoughts can you shift? There's always a thought you can shift. There's always something you can be grateful for, right? But then I'm also not about lying to yourself. If you do not enjoy your work, if you do not enjoy the work that you do, and you've worked on your mindset, and you're like, I'm grateful that I have a job that pays my bills, and I'm grateful that I can go to a place of work. It means I get to dress up and I'm grateful that I work in a nice building, but you genuinely don't like the work that you're doing. It's okay to look for other work. It's okay to find something that would bring you more joyful anticipation. This is the game we get to play with life. This is the adventure that we are invited onto. If you are unhappy, great. It's okay to be itchy. It's okay to be uncomfortable in life. Actually, we're invited to be uncomfortable because that's where growth happens. In that discomfort, what might it look like to create a life in which you had more joyful anticipation? Does that mean changing your mindset? Does that mean changing your environment? Does that mean changing both? Same with your relationships. As you're driving up to go and see a friend, meet for lunch. Do you notice that every single time you go, there's resistant anticipation? You don't want to go to see this friend. You're frustrated. They talk about the same thing every single time. What are your options then? Right? Check in. What might then shift this to having more joyful anticipation? Is it that you need to speak up and tell this friend, hey, I want to talk about this? Is it that you need to change the environment? And maybe instead of going out to dinner every single time, you'd invite them to go to a farmer's market. And that would bring you more joyful anticipation. Maybe it's that you change the friendship in general. You don't need to be friends with this person. And that meeting with somebody else completely different would bring you joyful anticipation, right? This is where we get to play. This is where we get to take control of our lives. This is where you get to be in the driver's seat of your life. I know that sometimes it doesn't feel like we are, but you are. We can't always control the things that happen to us. Most of the time, we can't control the things that happen to us, but we can control how we respond. We can control how we think, which influences how we feel, our feelings and influence our actions, and our actions influence our results. If you are tired of getting the same results, it is time to think a different thought that is in alignment with a joyful, anticipatory version of you who is in alignment with their life, who enjoys the work that they do, who enjoys their relationships. And again, this is not about 100% happiness 100% of the time. That is not available to us, but this is creating an aligned life in which we enjoy how we show up in the world. I love the quote by Maya Angelo, and I'll close with this one. I've probably said it before because I love it so much. Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. That's everything I do on this podcast. That's everything I do in coaching. I want you to like what you do. I want you to like how you do it. I forgot the rest of it, right? But you get it picking up whatever. Like it success is liking what you do, liking how you do it. I've already lost a quote after I already said it ADHD, so fun. But that's the purpose here is to be able to show up imperfectly, but have fun liking yourself, liking what you do. Haha, I came back, and liking how you do it. That's all I want for you. And if you want some help understanding what's getting in your way, taking action, just having somebody hold space for you so you can be honest about what you want and your frustrations. That's what I do. That's what I'm here for. It's my favorite thing to do. I love to coach. I love the humans that I work with. We have so much fun changing your life for the better. It's hard work, it's good work, though. And that's what I like to call it. Good work. All right, my friends. Take what sticks to you. Leave the rest. I'll see you next week. Hey, friend, if you like this podcast, I would love it if you give us a five star rating. Share it with your friends. If you're interested in one on one coaching, if this podcast resonates with you and you're ready for some one on one support, support for you and your journey. Go ahead to nanicamile.com to learn more or head over to nandicamille.as.me to sign up for your free discovery call.