Speaking Up Part 2 (Showing Up)

Your brain is not trying to ruin your dreams, it is trying to keep you safe. That sounds supportive until you realize “safe” often looks like staying quiet in meetings, ghosting your own content calendar, and never asking for the raise, the support, or the clarity you actually need.

We unpack what’s really happening underneath resistance to showing up online and why it’s the same pattern that plays out at work, in leadership, and in relationships. I break down the three most common reasons high-achieving women and creative entrepreneurs hold back: fear of the response, fear of risking the relationship, and fear of looking dumb. Then we get practical. When your mind jumps to the worst case scenario, I’ll show you how to solve for it with one powerful question: “Then what?” You’ll also hear a real story from my own career about asking for a raise after delivering major results and what I did next when I got the response I didn’t expect.

From there we move into mindset management and spiritual alignment that actually translates into action: visualizing the best case scenario, “mentally dressing” for the role you want, and cleaning up judgment so you stop negotiating with other people’s opinions. You’ll leave with journaling prompts you can use today to shift your beliefs, strengthen your voice, and build confidence that isn’t dependent on perfect outcomes.

If you’re ready to stop hiding and start creating new results, press play, then subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a push, and leave a five-star review so more people can find the show.

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Transcript

Welcome And Show Promise

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi friends and welcome to Believe Like a Buddha. I'm your host, Life Coach Mindy Camille. Join me as I teach you how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual alignment, and authentic action. I'll teach you how to create what I like to call a life of thrive with ease and authenticity. Are you ready? Let's go.

Coaching Lens On Beliefs

Looking Back With Gratitude

Showing Up Online And In Life

Fear Of The Response

Best Case Vision And Acting Ahead

SPEAKER_01 0:25

This episode is sponsored by myself. It is sponsored by The Art of Magnetism. It is my newest group coaching course that kicks off on May 19th. It's all about confidence and co-creation, being your most confident self so that you can co-create the reality that you want. That is the life, the love, the legacy that you want to have in your life. If you're tired of playing small, feeling small, not feeling like you can use your voice, feeling like you're ready to be more confident so you can call in and have the life that you want, create those new results that you keep thinking about. Come and join me. We kick off May 19th. Go to Nandicamille.com to learn more. Hello, my friends, and welcome back to another episode of Believe Like a Boss. I am your host, life coach, Nandi Camille. So excited to have you back. Welcome back, my friends. This is what I think episode four, maybe. Episode, I think it's episode four of season eight. Welcome. If you're new here, my name is Nandi, Rhyme So Gandhi. I'm a mindfulness-based life coach for creative entrepreneurs and high-achieving women. What does that mean? I help women get out of their head and into their dreams. That's the fast way to say it. But honestly, what we do here is we look at the brain, we look at our mind, we look at our beliefs, and a belief is just a thought we think again and again. So we look at the thoughts that we're thinking, and how does that thought influence our feelings, influence our actions, and therefore influence our results? My job as a life coach is to help people get the results that they want. The way that I do that is by listening to the thoughts of the thinking and looking at the action that they're taking, checking in with them and seeing, is this the result you want? And if it's not, let's change your thoughts, let's change your actions so we can create new results. So this week, my friends, when we're talking about creating new results, what I did is I went back and I listened to some older episodes. And to be honest, I am so impressed. This is gonna sound maybe cringy, maybe pompous. I don't care. I'm really impressed and proud of myself. I'm impressed with and proud of myself for showing up on this podcast. I'm just gonna take a beat to be proud of myself for a hot second because I started this podcast. At this point, I don't know how many years ago, but the episode that I was listening to was from three years ago. And I'm just sitting at, I'm sitting in my office listening to this episode, trying to get inspiration for the next one, also trying to just listen to the growth that has happened from where I was to where I am right now, which is so fun. Um, if you haven't done that, literally, you don't have to go have a podcast, right? What I've done before is taking a picture. When I used to be a preschool teacher, I have the picture of my class and when I was, I don't know, 22 years old, so about 10 years ago. And I will take that picture out sometimes and just look at that and just for a second, when you look at old pictures, you can go back to that moment. And when I go back to that moment, I think about myself at 22 years old as a preschool teacher, who I was, what I was doing at that point. I was so excited to be a teacher. I was so excited to have my own space. And I was learning a lot about leadership in that place through the version of leadership I didn't like, through the leadership that was there. I noticed the ways that it wasn't working. I noticed how leaders were showing up in the world in ways that weren't leadership like, for lack of better words. I had poor leaders when I was a preschool teacher. I guess that's the most straightforward way to say it. And when I noticed that poor leadership, and of course, everybody's doing their best. So when I say poor leaders, they were doing their version, their version of their best. It was not good enough for me, right? As a teacher, I was like, we can do better as leaders. And so I look back at that photo and I see where I was. I see and feel the feelings of where I was. And it's so good to just bathe in gratitude, for lack of better words, of where I was and so grateful for that version of me that showed up. And so I did the same thing with the podcast. I listened to the podcast from three years ago, and I was just so grateful to the version of me that showed up three years ago to put this work out in the world because I believe in it so deeply. I believe truly when we slow down and we get clear on what we want, and we let go of judgment and we let go of limiting beliefs, subconscious beliefs that are no longer serving us, and we walk in alignment. We walk in a way that is optimistic, that is solution-oriented, that's got good bounce back. When more of us show up that way in the world, there's just this beautiful ripple effect. And that's the work I continue to do in the world. And I'm so grateful for this podcast. So welcome. Long intro, but what we're diving into today is showing up. So when I was listening to the podcast from three years ago, the episode that I listened to was called Speaking Up. And so this is essentially a part two to that episode, speaking up. So think about showing up as speaking up part two. The reason why this came up, besides me going back and listening to this podcast episode from three years ago, was I've been in a lot of conversation lately. So I'm really expanding myself as a human being on the planet, which means I'm learning right now. I'm learning about sales, I'm learning about marketing, I'm putting myself in new spaces. I'm meeting with new women I've never met with before or women I've been talking about, like we should get some coffee. And finally, like sitting down and having these conversations. So I'm meeting with new women, I'm brewing up new collaborations, just expanding my network right now. And when I'm having these conversations, the number one thing that keeps coming up right now for my entrepreneurs, for my creative entrepreneurs is showing up online. There's a lot of hesitation, frustration, resistance around showing up online. Now, the way that I think that this translates to my more entrepreneurial, not entrepreneurial women, well, I mean, yes, you could be entrepreneurial, but my women that are working in a workspace, whether it's a nonprofit, a for-profit, you are working for somebody and you're not looking to work for somebody else. And maybe you're not looking to show up online. The way that this translates for those women is showing up in meetings the way you want to, asking for what you need, asking for the raise, asking for a project change, asking for more support, whatever it is in a corporate space, nonprofit space, working for somebody else. Showing up is important regardless. But again, where this came from is these conversations that I'm having with women who are afraid to show up online, where they have a business, they have maybe a passion project, maybe it's not their full time, maybe it's a side hustle that they're wanting to build, but they're frustrated about their resistance to showing up online. They're not necessarily frustrated about showing up online itself. They've accepted that this is a part of the process in this current day and age. It's not the only way to gain new uh clients or build your business, but it's a really great way to do so in this current day and age. If you're new to this podcast, I have to say, my disclaimer, take what sticks you leave the rest. If anything doesn't resonate with you here, don't worry about it. It's not for you. But in that first episode that I recorded on May 2nd, 2023, which also was a very full circle moment for me. So we're about to be in May 2026. My birthday is this weekend. May 2nd, 2023 was the day before my birthday. So three years ago, I'm 23. So the day before my 30th birthday was when I sent up that podcast. And now I'm about to be 33 this weekend, which is crazy. So it was just very full circle listening to the podcast. But in that episode, if you go May 2nd, 2023, again, the episode's called Speaking Up. There are three things that I talk about. I'm not going to go in depth here, but I'm going to glance over them. If you want to in-depth, go back to that episode. But these were the three reasons that people were not showing up. Like the three most common reasons that I find when I'm working with high-achieving women, creative entrepreneurs, that they are in particular not showing up. The number one reason was they were afraid of the response. They're afraid of the response. So when we go to speak up, often we won't speak up. And this could be speaking up online, speaking up in a meeting, speaking up to your boss, speaking up to your partner, right? You pick what lane you're in. It could be all of the above. But often we won't speak up. We will not say the words that are in our spirits, say the words that are in our brain. They will not leave our lips, they will not exit our mouth because we are afraid of what the person on the other side might say. So in the case of a romantic relationship, it might be that you need something. And I go into this in that episode. It might be that you need something, you want something that the partner used to give you, or that you have never asked for before. Often we won't even ask because we're afraid that the person is going to be upset by what we're going to say or they're going to be appalled, or we just don't know, right? And so when the brain doesn't know, it's going to hypothesize the worst case scenario because the brain is always trying to protect us. Your brain's trying to protect you, your brain's trying to keep you safe. So if you go, if your brain's like, I don't know how this person is going to respond, then your brain will then go and assume the worst case scenario out of care. Your brain's trying to protect you. It's like, okay, well, what is the worst thing that could possibly happen? Let's go there so I can protect you from it. So you know what to expect. And what's interesting is even though the brain's trying to protect you and you go to that place where you imagine the worst case scenario, and it's supposed to be helpful, right? What ends up happening most of the time is we don't then problem solve for the worst case scenario. We just get scared by the worst case scenario. So let me go into that for a second. What does it mean to problem solve for the worst case scenario? This is the part two. So part one, we talked about I'm afraid of what the person's going to say. That's why I'm not speaking up. Part two is okay, well, let's problem solve. When your brain goes to the worst case scenario, let's say, for example, you want to ask for a race. I'm going to give this example because this is a true story. You go to ask for a race, and the person on the other side says, absolutely not. Now, curse alert. I'm about to curse. I'm going to have to put the little explicit content checkbox on this episode because I have to curse in order to tell this full story. So this happened to me. I had built out a beautiful program. I had made about a$20,000 net profit in about a year with this program that I was brought on to build for this company. And the the ask, I'm not, I'm not exaggerating at all. When I had first been hired for this position, the person before me had lost$30,000,$40,000 revenue, lost$40,000,$40,000 gone, gone, gone. So when I was brought on, the bar was low. And I asked my person that was in charge of me, I said, hey, what is the goal? What are we trying to make net profit for this? And he said,$5. He said, if you make$5, I will hang it on the wall. And knowing me, the ambitious baddie that I am, I said, ha ha, we will make more than$5. And so we made about$20,000 net profit that first year. So after I had done that, I was so excited, very, very excited, proud of myself for doing that work, for bringing these programs together, bringing in a new line of revenue that this company had never seen before. And so I brought in this new line of revenue. And so I go and I go ask for a raise because I'm I'm working. I've more than surpassed what you asked me to do. And so then I go to the CFO, the chief financial officer, and I said, Hey, I'm ready for a raise. I laid out everything. I didn't ask for a raise until I made the$19,000 profit. Here's what I did. Here's my market research. I looked around at all the other places that people were doing similar work, both um within my state of Colorado and then nationally. So this is almost like a little side piece for you. Those of you who are asking for a raise, I did my research and I put together this beautiful packet of like, here's what the work that I did. Here's nationally what I should be making. Here's um within our state what I should be making, what can be done. And I kid you not, this is where the cursing comes in. I go through my ho spiel, I tell the chief financial officer of my whole thing. And he looks at me. He puts both of his hands up in the air next to his ears, like a cartoon character shrugging up and says, What the fuck do you want me to do? And let me clarify, he was not upset with me. This like frustration was not towards me, right? We actually had a really great relationship. So it really threw me off when the CFO said this to me. I was like, oh my gosh, whoa, I just asked for what I needed, and I got the worst case response. I was not anticipating getting the worst case response. I'd done my research, I'd proven that I was a valuable employee, and I literally got the what the fuck do you want me to do? I was like, You're the CFO. What do you mean? So when your brain goes to the worst case scenario, I tell that cautionary tale because your brain's truly trying to protect you. And so in that moment, my brain was like, Oh my gosh, we got to the worst case scenario. Instead of letting it stop you, I want you to ask the question, then what? Let's say you get the worst case scenario, then what? So I'm sure you're all like, Nandi, then what? What did you do? I asked for what I needed. I got that response from the CFO. I escalated it. I got a raise. So at first it was like, no, we're not giving you a raise. Then they came back and gave me like it was somewhere between a six and seven thousand dollar raise. And I was frustrated by that. That was not what I was asking for. That was still below what I wanted to make. So I ended up leaving, I ended up making more somewhere else. Again, a story for another time on how to ask for what you need, pivot when you need to pivot. But the premise here, what we're focusing on today is the reason why often we don't show up is number one, we're afraid of what somebody might say. And instead of solving for what they might say, we say, oh my gosh, that's so scary. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna ask for the raise, what if they say no? I'm not gonna ask for the promotion, what if they say no? And then if they say no, I'm gonna be walking around with my tail between my legs every single day, feeling like a loser because I asked for something that they said no to. Absolutely not. We're getting rid of that right now. Let's go to the best case scenario. It doesn't mean you always get it, but it's so much better to be there than in the worst case scenario. Again, your brain's trying to protect you. We'll go to the worst case scenario. Solve for the worst case scenario. That's my number one. Now, two, what's the best case scenario? So let's say solving for the worst case scenario, so and so says, I'm not gonna get a raise. You need to have your own back. That's my coaching that's getting a little excited. It would really serve you to have your own back, my friend. What would it look like if you don't get the response that you want for you to have your own back anyway? Right? So that's step one. Step two, we've solved for the worst case scenario. Now, what would be the best case scenario? Right? Let's say you speak up, you show up, you say the thing. What do you hope happens? Let's go there. Right? Because what might happen is okay, so best case scenario for the race, example, you ask for the raise, you get it. Now what? Why is this raise important to you? What are you doing with that added income? How do you feel as a result of that added income? And that's where we do the work of show up as if it's already done. If you already had that$5,000 bump, 10k bump, different title change, how would you be feeling? How would you be showing up then differently than how are you showing up now? Right? That's the part two. Don't let the worst case scenario keep you from showing up. Solve for it, and then visualize the best case scenario and show up as if that best case is already done ahead of time.

unknown 15:23

Right?

Risking Relationships For Alignment

Fear Of Looking Dumb And Judgment

Four Questions To Shift Mindset

The Art Of Magnetism And Closing

SPEAKER_01 15:24

That's where the brain starts to go crazy, or it's like, oh, you don't have that title yet. You shouldn't be acting like that yet. What? You know that saying or that I think it is a saying, dress for the job you want. It's the same thing, but mentally dress for the job you want. Now, in that last episode, the other two reasons why you don't show up, the second one is because you're afraid of risking the relationship. And the third one is because you're afraid of looking dumb. Now, the second one goes hand in hand with the first one, right? So we're afraid of the response. So we might not speak up. This is the same as being afraid of risking the relationship, right? I'm afraid, we'll go back to my raise situation, that if I speak up and I ask for a raise and they tell me no, maybe now there's gonna be a spotlight on me and they're gonna treat me differently. I'm afraid of risking the relationship. I'm afraid of the relationship changing because I spoke up for what I needed. Check in, is that you? Are you afraid of speaking up because you're afraid that the relationship will change in a negative way as a result of you speaking up and being honest? And if that's the case, that's where we get to zoom out and evaluate is this a relationship you want to be in? Because the relationships that for the women that I'm working with, they want to be in aligned relationships. Now, let's say this was an asterisk, you don't always get to pick all of your coworkers. So not all your coworkers are gonna have aligned relationships, so to speak, right? But the people that you're working with, your direct reports, the person that's above you, the person that's below you, so to speak, right? Are you in alignment with them? Are you able to speak up? Do you feel like you can be collaborative? Do you feel like you can make progress because you are all communicating clearly? And if you don't feel that way, what have you done to be able to communicate clearly? And if you feel like you've done all that you can to be able to communicate clearly, and the person is still not receptive, they're attacking you, then we get to check in. Might it be time to remove yourself from the relationship? Remove yourself from the environment. You get to decide. But then again, that's where the brain gets, I don't, I don't know. I couldn't control the people I got here. What if I get worse people at my next spot? And so that's where a lot of us get stuck in comfortable discomfort. I would rather stay here where I am, where I know what to expect, where I know what how people are going to act, even though I'm uncomfortable because I don't want to speak up. I would rather just be in this discomfort because I get this discomfort. I understand this discomfort, but the discomfort I don't get is when I open my mouth. I don't know what's going to happen then. That's too scary. Let me stay right here. That's comfortable, discomfort. Did a whole episode on that too. Search the episodes, it will come up. But that second reason is we're often afraid of risking the relationship. So again, I want to give you how do we move past this? If I'm afraid of risking the relationship because I'm afraid of speaking up, I want you to check in. Check in. Am I willing to risk the relationship so that I can be in alignment? Now, again, I want to say this with an asterisk. When we talk about speaking up so that you're in alignment, this isn't bossing people around. There's a difference, right? There's a difference in asking for help, asking for what you need, asking for clarification versus asking for someone to behave in a way that you want them to behave because you want them to behave that way. We cannot control other people. That is not our job. We are in charge of ourselves. And what I want for you is to have relationships in which you feel like you can be honest, in which you can communicate clearly, in which you can have receptive communication. And if you feel as though you cannot communicate clearly and get receptive communication, again, check in. Is this a relationship you want to continue to be in? The last reason why we don't show up or we don't speak up is because we're afraid of looking dumb. And again, I go into this in that first episode. So go back May 2nd, 2023. It's called speaking up. But the third reason I see that people don't speak up or show up when it comes to showing up online, showing up in the world, showing up and asking for what we need is we're afraid of risking the relationship. I'm sorry, we're afraid of looking dumb. We're afraid of looking dumb. We're afraid of saying the wrong thing. We're afraid of somebody making fun of us. We're afraid of a judgment. And so here's what I say, what I offer you to move through that. Two things here. When we're afraid of looking dumb, in the first episode of speaking up, I say ask the question. So actually three things. Ask the question. Ask the question, whether it's what is that person's name, and you've already asked two times, or ask for clarification of something that somebody said if you didn't understand it in a meeting, right? Or ask for clarification of something that somebody said if they said it in a way that felt rude or felt like they were attacking you. Can you just clarify what you said? I didn't quite understand that. Or could you repeat that for me? Right. So if we're afraid of looking dumb, the way to move through that, I would offer ask. Ask for what you need. Ask the question, ask for clarification. Second option, maybe you don't want to ask, do your research. Right. Often we're like, I'm afraid of looking dumb. Do your research. If you've done your research on whatever you're doing your research on, then why are you afraid of looking dumb? If you've done the research, you've looked into it, you've gotten the factual information. At this point, it's a thought about you, not a thought about the work that you're doing. Right. It's a thought about, I'm afraid that I'm gonna trip over my words, I'm afraid that I'm going to like look dumb on camera because I'm not as professional or I'm too fidgy or whatever it is, right? If your information is factual and you feel good about what you're delivering, whether again it's in a meeting, it's you showing up online on socials, right? And if you're afraid of looking dumb and you know that the information that you're giving is good information, then it's a thought that you have about you. And it's a thought that you have about other people's thoughts about you. So it comes down to judgment. So my question for you is what are you judging others for? Check in. If you're afraid of looking dumb, there is a judgment that you're afraid of receiving. And one of the fastest ways to understand the judgments we're afraid of is by understanding the judgments that we send out into the world. This is where mindfulness comes in. Awareness without judgment. Notice as you're walking through the world who you are judging and what you are judging them for. Are you judging the married girlies? Are you judging the influencers on the internet? Are you judging who are you judging and why are you judging them? Check in. We all have judgments for human beings. I'm not judging you for having judgments. I'm saying that your judgments aren't serving you. I'm guilty too, right? Who are you judging out? And why are you judging them? Those judgments are the same ones you are afraid of receiving. So if you're sitting here judging Sally May because she's doing an ASMR and she's tapping her water bottle, check in. What are you judging her about? Why are you judging her? Those are likely the judgments you are afraid of getting yourself. Clean up your judgment, my friends. Now, here's my last questions for you. If you're afraid of speaking up, of showing up, whether it's showing up online, showing up in a meeting, asking for what you need, asking for a raise, asking for affection in a relationship, asking for space in a relationship, whatever it is you're afraid of asking for, here's some questions for you. I have four questions. One of them is one that I just said. One, what are you affirming? This is so important for everything all of the time. What are you affirming? Are you affirming that you are a strong communicator? Are you affirming that you're a weak communicator? Are you affirming that you always get what you want? Are you affirming that you never get what you want? Are you affirming that you are so good at asking for what you need? Are you affirming that you're horrible at asking for what you need? What are you affirming? That is what are you believing? That is what are you thinking, right? Again, zoom out. A belief is just a thought you think again and again. And so if you are believing something, you are affirming something. What are you affirming about you? And does it serve you? If you want to think that you are a strong communicator, but you keep thinking I trip over my words and I never know what to say, then we need to shift some things there, my friends. It's time for us to start affirming I'm a strong communicator ahead of time before you believe it. And if that feels too big to affirm, you can affirm a bridge thought, right? A thought that gets you there. I believe that it's possible for me to be a strong communicator. What are you affirming? Second, what are your thoughts about speaking up slash showing up? This is a journal prompt. What are your thoughts about speaking up slash showing up? Write them down. I hate speaking up. I hate being in front of people. Nobody ever listens to me. Everybody always talks over me. What are your thoughts about speaking up and showing up? Because those are influencing the way that you are speaking up and showing up. If you think nobody listens to you, you will find evidence for that. Your brain will look for evidence of that. That's the neuroscience. Your brain doesn't care what you say, it's going to look for evidence of it. So if you think that you're a poor communicator, you never get what you want, nobody ever wants to listen to you, you always scare your boyfriends away when you ask for what you want, you will affirm that you will look for evidence of that. What are your thoughts about speaking up? What are your thoughts about showing up? That's number two. Number three, synonym for the second one. What are your thoughts about being seen? These are more so, this could be for anybody, but where my heart was with this question is for my ladies that are showing up online, for my humans that are showing up online. If you're not, don't affirm as a lady, then you affirm however you want to affirm. But what are your thoughts about being seen on a stage online in your business as an author, as an entrepreneur, as a director, as a high achieving woman, what are your thoughts about being seen? People are gonna judge me. People are gonna think I'm stupid, I don't know what I'm saying, I'm gonna be so cringe. What are your thoughts about being seen? Those thoughts, again, are influencing your actions. If you think that you are dumb when you get on stage, if you think that your market is too saturated and nobody's ever gonna listen to anything that you say, again, your brain is going to find evidence for those thoughts. The last one here that I already said, what are you judging others for? What are you judging others for? Notice it. With so much love and compassion, if we can really do this exercise, this fourth one, you learn so much. The first time I ever did this, I recognized how jealous I was of married women. Right? This was before Tyler and I got married. And this was, I think I'd listened to Judgment Detox by Gabrielle Bernstein. And she said this exactly. I'm misquoting her, I'm the premise exactly, of just like what you are judging in others, the things you're jealous of in others, you want for yourself. The things you're judging about in others, you're afraid of them judging for you. So I was over here judging other women and their big, beautiful rings because I wanted one. That's why I was judging them. So check in. What are your judgments of others? And how might you clean that up a little bit? Because your judgment is not serving you. Your judgment, your complaining is not serving you, my friends. Let's shift into gratitude, let's shift into being solution-oriented, let's shift into affirming the best case scenario. And when your brain goes to the worst case scenario, let's problem solve for that. Don't run away from it, problem solve for it. Because if you affirm it's all working out for me better than expected, then it doesn't matter what the detour is. It doesn't matter how the person responds. Because if you affirm and you know that regardless, I'm going to get the race, I'm going to make the money I want to make, I'm going to be a mom, I'm going to be a full-time entrepreneur, then the way to it again is through it. Right. If you truly believe that what you want wants you, then this uncomfortable conversation, this cringy moment on the internet is just a step in that direction. Have your own back. You got this. My friends, the art of magnetism will be on sale early bird through May 1st. If you want more support and being your most magnetic, that is clear, clear of your limiting beliefs, really clear on who you are and what you want, what's important to you, what your skills are, what your story is, and how you support others. If you're ready for that level of clarity, the art of magnetism is on sale right now. Sales in early bird sales in May 1st. We kick off May 19th. I'm so stinking excited. Email me, hello at naudicamil.com if you have any questions. As always, my friends, take what sticks to you, leave the rest. I'll see you next week. If you like this podcast, I would love it if you give us a five star rating. Share it with your friends. If you're interested in one on one coaching, if this podcast resonates with you and you're ready for some one on one support, support for you and your journey, go ahead to nandicamille.com to learn more or head over to nandicamil.as.me to sign up for your free discovery call.