Four Simple Ways To Build Real Confidence

Confidence gets mislabeled as something you’re born with, but I see it differently: confidence is built, practiced, and strengthened through self-trust. We start by getting honest about your current definition of confidence without judging it. If your definition is too narrow, you can accidentally “prove” you’re not confident, even when you’re solid in many parts of your life. I want confidence to feel grounded, calm, and aligned, not performative or shaky.

Then we get practical with tools you can use today. I walk you through why standing taller changes the signals you send to your brain and helps your body feel safer and more capable. We also talk about joining a sport or trying a new fitness format, not to chase a “perfect body,” but to build trust with yourself through action, follow-through, and the feel-good chemistry that comes with movement and completing tasks.

We close by zooming out to the deeper formula: confidence is trust times consistency. That includes learning a topic you love just because it brings you joy, and doing something totally new while having your own back, especially when other people don’t get it. If you’ve been saying you’ll do something and then not doing it, we unpack how that erodes self-trust and how to adjust when life happens without quitting on yourself.

If you’re ready for support, community, and a newfound sense of authentic confidence, The Art of Magnetism is my group coaching course focused on confidence and co-creation. We start on June 2nd!  

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Transcript

Welcome And Sponsor Message

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi friends and welcome to Believe Like a Bot. I'm your host, Life Coach Nandi Camille. Join me as I teach you how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual alignment, and authentic action. I'll teach you how to create what I like to call a life of thrive with ease and authenticity. It's time to play with what's possible. Are you ready? Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

This episode is sponsored by The Art of Magnetism. It is my newest group coaching course. It's all about confidence and co-creation, being your most confident self so that you can co-create the reality that you want. If you're tired of playing small, feeling small, not feeling like you can use your voice, feeling like you're ready to be more confident so you can call in and have the life that you want, create those new results that you keep thinking about. Go to Nandicamille.com to learn more. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode of Believe Like a Boss. I am your host, life coach, Nandi Camille. Welcome back, my friends. I hope you had a beautiful weekend. It was just Memorial Day weekend over here in the States in the United States of America. I know I have amazing listeners from all over the world. So welcome wherever you're listening from. This is always such a blessing for me to look on. I work through Buzz Sprout, and Buzz Sprout is my podcast hosting place. And so when I go in there, there's a section that's called, I want to say it's called Directories. And maybe it's not directories, but there's a section, I think it's directories, but anyway, there's a section where you can look and see where people are listening from in the entire world. And then it breaks it down into countries, it breaks it down into percentages, into continents. It's so cool for me to look at. And I am always so surprised, honestly, and great. I need to stop being surprised because, right, that's that goes into how I'm thinking about myself of like, oh, I'm surprised that people would listen from all across the world when that was my intention in the first place, was that I would have listeners from Africa to New Zealand to Canada to Mexico that truly that my work would touch the world. Um, and because I know that there are, whether you are from those countries or you're an American and you're living in those countries, both, right? I love that there are people from those countries listening and I know that there are Americans, expats is what they're also called, expatriates, um, that live across the world. Um and so it's so exciting to me for the third time saying it that people listen. So thank you so much for being a listener. If this podcast speaks to you, if you enjoy this podcast, please, please, please leave us a five-star rating. It truly does help more people to find the podcast. It helps me to grow. This is a free resource. Um, I've kept it that way. Um, and I've kept, I it's not to say that ads won't ever happen, but I've kept this podcast ad-free in part because I personally enjoy ad-free podcasts. Again, that doesn't mean that there won't be an ad in the future, but uh I work really hard to create this free resource for people. So I would truly appreciate it if you left us a five-star rating so that more people can find this podcast or share it with somebody that you

Define Confidence Without Judgment

SPEAKER_00 2:56

love. So this week, my friends, we're talking about tools for confidence. This is not a new topic. As you know, in season eight, I'm really going back and finding topics that I love, but then expanding on them more. I didn't go back and listen to the podcast episode on confidence because I was just confident that I hadn't truly gone into it in this way or bundled these tools in this way. I think that I've talked about all of these tools individually in different podcast episodes, but I wanted to bring it all together. So tools for confidence, again, as a mindfulness-based life coach, that is awareness without judgment, mindfulness is rather awareness without judgment. First and foremost, my goal for confidence is that it is a grounded confidence, right? So let's be aware of what your definition of confidence is first, without judging it. What is your definition of confidence? Without judging it, just truly like what do you think about when you think about a confident person? What comes to mind? Who are some of the people that you think about when you think about confident people? And what would be your definition without looking it up? What would be your definition of confidence? Right? I know that I'm confident when. Or I know that that confident that person is a confident person, win. What are your cues for confidence? I really love always to ask these questions to check in first because my goal is to never tell you what confidence is, or to tell you what it means to be abundant, or to tell you what it means to live your best life. That is not my job. My job is to help you better understand what your definition of these things is. What is your definition of success? What is your definition of confidence? What is your definition of being sexy? Then from that place, do you like your definition? Did your definition come from your mother, your father, grandparents, cultural, society? Did you come up with that definition? And do you like your definition of success, feeling sexy, abundance, wealth? Do you like your definite, your current definition of that? If you do, fantastic. That means you're living in alignment. That's my whole goal of this podcast and the work that I do is that I help give you the tools to live in alignment, that you can keep living in alignment, living in a way that feels good for you, living in a way that I'm doing my best, and it feels so good to do that. I feel grounded, I feel happy, I feel like the work that I'm doing is of high service to myself and others. That for me is what alignment is. What is it for you? So coming back to confidence, what is your definition of confidence? How do you think about confidence? And I truly, this is one of those moments where it's like pause and think about it. Pause this episode, think about it. Maybe pause and wait till you get home, journal about it first. What is your definition of confidence? And do you like your definition of confidence before I even tell you anything else? Because that's so important, right? If you think that confidence means that you can speak in front of a crowd of people and you are a person that can't currently do that, you may then just automatically say, I'm not a confident person. I'm just not a confident person. When that might not be true, the definition of confidence is expansive. And if it is isolated for you to speaking on stages, but there's other things that you do well, let's look at that. Right? Maybe you are confident, but you're just not confident at speaking on stages, right? So here's some tools for confidence.

Stand Taller For Instant Confidence

SPEAKER_00 6:18

First and foremost, I do know that I've talked about this one because I got it from the book Presence by Amy Cuddy. Love this one. Tool for confidence number one, stand taller. Just stand taller. Lift your chin, open your chest, right? As a bar teacher, when I'm teaching in in class, I tell people proud chest all the time. When we're in a plank, lift your chin up, right? Even when you're in a plank, posture is important. When you're standing, you're walking into a room, posture is important. When you're sitting at your desk, posture is important. Here's why. Let's go to the desk, right? There's nobody around you, and you're sitting at your desk, whether you're at your home office or you're in a corporate office around other people, it doesn't matter, right? But you're at your desk. When you are sitting hunched over at your desk, you are sending a signal to your brain that you are tired, that you're not excited, that you're guarded, a variety of different signals that you're sending to your brain when you're hunched over. Right? Because I'm doing it right now, actually, as I'm recording this, because there's a difference in the messaging that you're sending to yourself and to others when you're hunched over. It's almost like you're crouched. It's almost like you're afraid. It's not that you actually are, right? You might just get into a habit of not having good posture, and so you're crunched over. And it's not necessarily that you actually are afraid, but that is a less positive posture than when you roll your shoulders back and up, sit up. I'm physically doing it right now. I'm opening up my chest, I'm lifting my chin. I'm now actually sending a different signal to my brain that I'm maybe more safe, more relaxed. I feel a little bit more confident. You definitely are sending a signal of confidence when you sit up, roll your shoulders down and back. From this vantage point, I want you to think about the crouched over. It I think like you're kind of crouched, right? You're you're down. It's almost like the jaguar that's in the forest that's like about to pounce. There's this slight guardedness when you're crunched over, crouched over versus when you're sitting up, shoulders back, chest is proud. This is more open. This is more confident. The other way that I like to explain it is um think about being attacked in the forest. Let's say that you're an animal that is under attack. Are you gonna have your animal that's under attack, your arms out, or even think about a puppy? Think about it whatever way you you want to. But I think about that brings me to a puppy, right? A puppy that's laying on its back and its legs are in the air and its tummy's all out. How does what signal are you sending, right? What signal is that puppy sending? That it's comfortable, that it's very comfortable, that it's so happy, it's comfy, it's totally fine, right? There is a um uh comfort when they're like that. Same thing when your like arms are out, your extremities are out. If you're an animal in the forest and you're under attack, you're not gonna be laying on your back with your legs in the air. You're not gonna be all sprawled out with your arms up in the air like ravers do at a rave concert where their arms are just up and they're waving and right. That energy, that is a different posture. That is a I'm safe, I'm relaxed, everything is fine, right? When we're sitting up, we're sending that signal to our brain versus when we're crouched over, when we're hunched over, when we're rocking with our head down, we're sending the signal of like I'm not safe. So without even like doing the mindset work, without even opening up a journal, without like saying an affirmation to yourself, just standing taller, just adjusting your posture sends different signals to your brain and to others than when you're hunched over. You will immediately feel more confident when you roll your shoulders down and back and lift up your chin versus when you're hunched over. You are just from our prehistoric biology, the brain's like, what position are we in? The position of my body tells me what is about to happen, if I'm safe, if I'm relaxed. So start to tell your body you're safe, you're relaxed. This intrinsically then tells you I'm okay, I'm good. And that okayness, that I'm goodness, lends itself to a more confident posture, a more confident feeling in your body. So stand taller.

Movement That Builds Self Trust

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Second one here, play a sport. I really only have three here, and then the fourth one here is basically a synonym for all of them. So the second one here is play a sport, join or create a new fitness format. This is a tool for confidence, right? This could be a local volleyball league. This could be frisbee in the park. This is you starting Pilates, this is starting rock climbing, jujitsu, kickboxing, weightlifting, walking around your neighborhood, right? I want you to meet yourself where you are. What sounds like fun to you? What sounds like fun? Playing a sport, joining or creating a new fitness format. Ooh, so good for our confidence. You show yourself that you can do something new. You show yourself that even when you're uncertain, I've never been to this volleyball league before, I've never been to this gym before, I've never been to this Pilates studio before. And then you move through that discomfort, even though I've never been to this Pilates studio. I'm gonna sign up, I'm gonna take a class for the first time, and then I'm gonna go two more times. Dopamine, serotonin, positive hormones get developed because you're completing a task. And when you are in physical movement, you get those hits of dopamine and serotonin as well, right? Dopamine you get when you complete a task. Serotonin, you also get when you're moving through that movement, you get serotonin released. So as a byproduct, simply like when we're sitting up, you start to feel more confident because now you've proven to yourself, oh, I can do something that I've never done before and be okay. Oh, I can move through uncertainty and it can be okay. Oh, I can trust myself. You're gaining trust with yourself. At the end of the day, for me, this is what I came up with on my own for my own brain. Confidence is just trust times consistency. So you trust yourself to stand taller, to sit up taller, to walk with your head held high. You trust yourself to try a new sport, try a new fitness format, try weightlifting for the first time. And as you do that consistently over time, that doesn't have to be every single day, it could be two times a week. You decide what that consistency regimen is. But as you consistently trust yourself and show up consistently in trust with yourself, as a byproduct, you will become more confident. This isn't forced confidence, this is just true natural confidence that develops as a result of you showing up in trust with yourself consistently. And that's all that playing a sport or joining a new fitness format does, right? That's what I mean. It's not about bulking up, it's not like, oh, when you're in your sexy body, then you'll feel more confident. And honestly, that's a sentence that is read in my brain before. So catch yourself. It's not that there's anything inherently wrong with like when I'm fit, then I'll feel more sexy, right? That there's that's logical. That is a logical thought that makes sense. But you're also putting off your joy, you're putting off your sexiness, you're putting off your confidence until when I hit that weight, when my arms look that way, when my butt looks that way, when I can do X, Y, and Z, then I will feel confident and sexy. And what I'm offering is that you can start to incrementally feel more confident, more sexy over time by just sitting up, by just joining a sport, by just walking around your neighborhood consistently because you decided this is the way in which I want to move. I'm gonna trust myself to follow through with that. And then again, as a byproduct, you become more confident.

Learn What You Love For Joy

SPEAKER_00 13:38

So the third one here is similar, but a little bit different, and that is choose a topic you love and learn about it. So maybe playing a sport, doing something new in fitness isn't for you right now. I'm gonna argue lovingly that every single person listening to this podcast can make time for fitness and movement and likely already does. The women that I work with as a holistic mindfulness-based life coach, yes, we work on their business, yes, we work on their career, yes, we work on their romantic relationships and their daily habits and their mindsets and showing up in the world, it's all very important. But it's also, are you moving your body? Are you getting enough rest? How are your friendships and your relationships? Because all of this lends itself to how we show up in our career, how we show up with confidence or not with confidence, right? So when you choose a topic that you love and you learn about it, first of all, I love that it brings us, I think, back to our inner child, right? When we're in school, I think that we're frustrated because everybody's telling us what to learn about. Learn about history, learn about geography, and learn about biology, and you have to learn about this. And this is how you're like, it's all built out for us. But what's so lovely about being adult and then learning what we want is we now get to carve out a space of like if you are an adult and I don't care if you're a banker and you want to learn about dolphins, you can do that. Like, if you are genuinely excited about dolphins, go learn about dolphins. If it's learning about chess or learning a new language, is it learning about history and politics? Because you're frustrated about the politics right now. So you really want to understand where where did we come from? Like, how did this all get started? Let me understand history, right? Carving out that space for yourself, I think first and foremost is an act of self-love. Without even like talking about confidence, which I do think at the end of the day, confidence is just a whole lot of self-love. Trust times consistency. You have to love yourself enough to trust yourself to show up consistently. I think it all comes back to that. But this is an act of self-love. Doing something, learning about something that you love simply because you enjoy it, I think is such a beautiful act of self-love. I'm gonna learn about history because it's something that I'm genuinely excited about. Whether I monetize it or not, whether I run for politics or not, it's just something that I want to learn about. The other day I caught myself, not even caught myself, I turned on the TV and I specifically wanted to watch something that I was gonna learn from. And I didn't have a topic in mind, but then I ended up picking, it's called um Jaguar Journals, and it was on Hulu. Y'all, I got so bought into this show and I was so happy about it because admittedly, I have started to get into a habit of looking for more reality TV shows. I think because my brain wants that serotonin dopamine, like wants those hits of feel-good hormones because of the drama, but I don't necessarily need that, and it's not that there's anything inherently wrong with it. I just am noticing that I'm watching more of it than I want to, and that's not an alignment for me right now. So I was like, all right, if I'm going to turn on the TV, because I'm also just trying to watch less TV in general, what the heck do I want to put on? So I put on Jaguar journals because it's like, let me just learn about something different outside of like my norm. I had so much fun learning about jaguars, y'all. I had so much fun. And then Tyler came home. He had he was out to lunch with his mom when I turned it on. He comes home and then I just start rattling off. I was like, okay, so Farina, oh my gosh, she's this jaguar, she's sleeping with all the rest of the jaguars. Jaguars are not monogamous, so it doesn't matter. But it was just fun to talk about in that way. I basically turned it into a reality TV show, but it was fun. And I learned about jaguars and I learned about this part of the continent. And it was just so fun for me to learn about something new. And then I got to just compare it to human development, which was a lot of fun too, because on my daily basis, I'm studying human development. You're like, what does this have to do with confidence, Andi? Do you hear my joy? Do you hear my excitement? For me, confident people are happy people. Confident people, people who are genuinely confident about themselves and their world, are happy people. Happy because they live holistically. There's something maybe that they're very good at that they work at. There are projects that they work on that they work to completion. And so they're proud of the work that they've done. But then they also just have things that they enjoy in life that bring them joy, right? For me, confident people are people that do walk around with a smile on their face, not 100% of the time, right? But are more optimistic, are more solution-oriented, are able to see multiple sides, are open-minded. For me, those are the most confident people. And part of that comes from that open-mindedness comes from learning about the world. So you can learn about whatever you want. Like I said, learning a language, learning about chess, learning about jaguars, learning about rock climbing, right? But what as we learn about the world, as we open up our lens, we become more open-minded. We become, we're able to connect the dots in different ways, right? Jaguars and creative fempreneurs are literally different species. But I was able to connect certain things, learning about jaguars. I was like, oh, that's so interesting. That okay, here's a little fun fact. A lot of these jaguars, and I'm just learning about them right now, are single moms. I was like, oh, that's so interesting that in the animal kingdom and this specific species, that is a typical thing. These are proud, strong single mothers and they take care of their young. Why is that? So I'm getting more interested in about that, right? But learning about things when you are genuinely excited about them brings you genuine joy. And again, it comes back to for me, the most confident people are people that are genuinely joyful. Where does that joy come from? They're they're learning about things about themselves, they're learning things about their world that that make them happy, that make them feel good. And I think that's really important. So that's my third point.

Do Something New With Support

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Now, the fourth one that kind of brings it all together is just do something totally new and have your whole back the whole time, right? This one I think can be trickier. This one is a little bit bigger. When you think about doing something totally new and have your back the whole time, this could be doing Frisbee in the park, right? This could be weightlifting, something smaller like that. Or it could be a bigger project like traveling abroad or starting a new career or a new job or a new business. At first, and that's why I say this is more long term. At first, when you decide I'm gonna travel abroad or I'm gonna start a new business, you may not actually feel very confident. And that's why I wrote this down with an asterisk. But as you consistently show up over time for that goal of traveling abroad, right? Maybe it starts as an idea, and then you build a Pinterest board around it. And then from there, you build a budget, an Excel spreadsheet that's like, okay, here are the flights, here are the hostels that I'm staying in, this is how much I need for this equipment, right? As you start building out the budget, again, something magical happens. Your confidence starts to grow. It goes from an idea of I think that I could be somebody that could travel abroad to, I am somebody that could travel abroad too, I'm somebody that's going to travel abroad too, I'm somebody that is traveling abroad. And as you go from idea to concept and actuality, you are building confidence with yourself. Go back to that um equation, trust times consistency. So for a project like traveling abroad, that's a big project that has a lot of different components in order to bring it to fruition. You have to consistently trust yourself through every step of that process to bring it to fruition. And through that, you will become the most confident version of yourself that you've ever been. That is what I found to be true for me and my clients. Now, again, you don't have to be, you don't have to do a big project like travel abroad. It could be start Pilates, right? But doing something totally new and having your back the entire time, that that that piece, having your own back the entire time, that's what builds confidence. That's where we go to that saying, I am willing to be misunderstood. Right? When you go to start the business and your mother doesn't get it, your brother doesn't get it, some of your coworkers don't quite understand, it's being willing to have your own back in the process, even though other people don't get it, even though you're being misunderstood. That part is so important. It's when we give up on ourselves, it's when we let the opinions of other people, even though we don't agree with those opinions, and those opinions deter us from showing up. That's what corrodes our trust. That's what corrodes our confidence.

Stop Eroding Trust With Yourself

SPEAKER_00 21:57

Right? You say that I'm gonna start. Start a business selling ice cream. I'm gonna create a new vegan ice cream that's smoother and creamier than any other vegan ice cream I've ever had. That's what my my goal is. That's what I want to do. That's what I want to create. And then your mom says, Well, you're, I mean, why? That seems hard. There's already a lot of people I've seen in Whole Foods that are doing that. And then you decide, oh, I guess I'm not gonna do it then. Even though you really want to, even though you have a vision, even though you do it, you did trust yourself to do it. You've now said, nah, I'm not gonna do it. Not because you don't actually want to do it, but because of the opinions of other people. You've now eroded your trust with yourself. I can't trust myself to follow through. I can't trust myself to do the things I say I'm going to do. Check in. How many things have you said recently that you're going to do that you have done and that you haven't done? This is where the mindfulness comes in again. If you were an alien watching your life from the outside, what would that alien think that you value? What would that alien think that your goals are? What would that alien think about you as a person? Just outside looking in based on your actions, based on how you talk to yourself, based on how you talk to others. Right? Just observe that. And then from that place, if you're just outside looking in, you know how many things have I said recently that I'm going to do that I have done, and how many things have I said recently that I'm going to do that I haven't done? If the list of things that I said I'm going to do but I haven't done is larger, it makes sense why you're not feeling very confident. You're eroding your trust with yourself. I keep saying I'm going to do something, but then I'm not. Every time I say I'm going to do something and then I don't, I erode trust with myself. Now I also want to clean that up too. We're allowed to change our minds. I think that that's so important to acknowledge. We are allowed to change our minds. So let's say you're going, you're planning to, I don't know, go to a Pilates class next week. That seems to be the running um example. You're like, I'm going to go to a Pilates class next week, Wednesday, and you sign up for it. And then there's some event that comes up that your friend invites you to. And it's a women's workshop, wellness workshop. And you're like, oh my gosh, that sounds like so much fun. You can change your mind, right? That's different than you said you were going to go to the Pilates workshop and then or the Pilates class, and 20 minutes before you're like, I don't feel like it, and you cancel it. Two hours before you're like, oh, I had a really hard day today, so I don't feel like it. So you cancel it. That's where we erode our trust with ourselves. Your brain's like, well, you said you were going to do this. You said that this was important. You said that getting in shape and being consistent with your fitness regimen was important to you, and now you're not doing it. So I guess it's not really important to you. And I can't really trust what you say because you don't always follow through with what you say. Your brain, again, is watching you. Your brain is watching you and taking notes. And it's observing. Are you going to follow through like you said you were going to? And when you don't follow through, are you going to acknowledge it and adjust? Because that's important too. Right? So if you're not going to follow through with something you said you were going to, what is the adjustment? Is it that you're just completely throwing it out the window, you're just canceling the Pilates class and not signing up for another one? Or is it that you decide, okay, I'm going to go to this conference, so I'm going to cancel this class, but I'm going to make up for it on this day so that I'm still in alignment with what I've decided, success looks like to me. What I've decided my best self looks like to me. Right? When you decide who is my best self, what does it look like to have the best day? It's so important for us to follow through. And if you don't follow through, because sometimes life be life in, right? The kid got sick at school, the person at work didn't come in, so now you have to adjust. That's okay. Life life. We adjust. How do you still ensure that you're following through with what you said you were going to follow through with? Because at the end of the day, most of the time with the women that I'm working with, they're cranky and annoyed because they didn't follow through with the thing they said that they were going to do. And the reason that they didn't is because there's some limiting belief. I can't, I'm not smart enough, right? And so that comes back to this confidence piece. Right? If if you don't believe in yourself, that's everything. That's why this podcast is called Believe Like a Boss. If you don't believe that you can do the thing, if you whatever the thing is, be kinder to yourself, go to class, build a business, meet the love of your life. If you don't believe that it's possible, it's not going to happen. And so that's why it's so important. Trust times consistency. I want you to trust yourself. So whatever that intuitive thing is that's coming up for you right now as you're listening to

Do The Thing And Get Coached

SPEAKER_00 26:26

the podcast. I need to sign up to work with Nandi. I need to join the art of magnetism. I need to go and join my local church. I've been talking about going to this volleyball group forever. I've been talking about joining this book club forever. Do the thing, please. It's time to do the thing. Because I want you to trust yourself. And then I want you to consistently trust yourself by consistently showing up for that thing, whether it's the book club, learning the new language, calling your mom once a week. I want you to be consistent with it. And if you're having a hard time with that, that's what I do, my friend. The art of magnetism starts next week. We start in one week. It's crazy. We start in one week. I'm so excited. Get your booty in the art of magnetism. We're gonna have so much fun. It is truly about being your most confident self so that you can create the results you want to create. If you're tired of creating the same results and you're ready to create new results from a grounded confidence, not from a flighty, like fake confidence. No, I want you to have true confidence. I want you to truly have your own back. I want you to truly be willing to be misunderstood. That's where your power is. If you're ready to step into that power, I'm ready for you. We already have a small group of ladies forming. Come and join us. If you want to learn more, it's naughtycamille.com. If you have questions about anything, email me hello at naughtycamille.com. All right, my friends, as always, take what sticks to you. Leave the rest. I'll see you next week. Hey, friend, if you like this podcast, I would love it if you give us a five star rating. Share it with your friends. If you're interested in one on one coaching, if this podcast resonates with you and you're ready for some one on one support, support for you and your journey, go ahead to nandicamille.com to learn more or head over to nandicamil.as.me to sign up for your free discovery call.