What You Are Willing To Struggle For?

The dream is the easy part. The struggle is the receipt, and it shows up whether we like it or not. Today we’re asking a question that instantly clarifies your goals, your career moves, and even your relationships: what are you willing to struggle for?

We riff on a line from The Subtle Art of Not Giving an F-U-C-K that reframes happiness as something earned through “choosing and managing our struggles.” If you’ve been chasing constant happiness, we slow down and normalize the truth that life is often 50-50. Feeling sad, anxious, bored, or angry doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human, and it might be time to choose a different kind of hard, the kind that matches your values and your season.

We make it practical with real-world examples and metaphors you’ll remember: the seed that has to sit in cold darkness before it breaks through the soil, the teacher who loves the work but still faces politics, the entrepreneur who has to learn sales, the parent who has to grow up alongside their kid, and the dream that looks glamorous until you see the weekends, the tests, or the early call times. Then we walk through four steps you can use as a mindset and alignment filter: write your dreams, list what you love, name where struggle will show up, and decide if you’re willing to get uncomfortable for that goal.

If your life has felt heavy lately, we also offer a simple check-in: close your eyes, breathe, ask what’s going on, and trust what comes up. 

If you’re ready to build confidence, identity, and aligned results, check out The Art of Magnetism or book a free discovery call. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs clarity, and leave a review so more people can choose their hard on purpose.

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Transcript

Welcome And Mic Confession

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi friends, and welcome to Believe Like a Bot. I'm your host, Life Coach Nandi Camille. Join me as I teach you how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual alignment, and authentic action. I'll teach you how to create what I like to call a life of thrive with ease and authenticity. It's time to play with what's possible. Are you ready? Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Hello, hello, hello, my friends, and welcome back to another episode of Believe Like a Boss. You're gonna have to bear with me. I have a blue Yeti mic, and 99% of the time I do not use it. This is one of the very few times that I am using it. I think in part I don't use it because it feels hard. It feels hard to like set up my levels and volumes and get it all plugged up and make sure that I can hear through my headphones and make sure everything is connected. But honestly, it's because I'm out of practice. It's because I don't do it often that it's frustrating. If I actually use this equipment more often, it would be easier. So I normally record just on my phone. I find a quiet space, though I will say recently I feel like I've been able to hear Freezer more in the background and other things. And that's also what drew me back to using this microphone. So if it sounds a little bit different, hopefully it sounds better. I'm using better equipment today. Happy Monday, my friends. Welcome back to the

Weekend Wins And New Collaborations

SPEAKER_01 1:20

podcast. So many things happened this past weekend. Just have to take a beat to celebrate them and talk about them. So Saturday, a friend of mine, one that I we're collaborating and we're doing a retreat in July, and then we're also doing um a like a wellness conference. I don't there's a better way to say it. We actually came up with a name for it, but think wellness conference in November of this year. Her uh, her background, she's a trauma-informed coach. Her name is Cass. If you follow me on social media, you've seen a lot of her lately. And so she has the company, the business, the inspired warrior project, and in it is a collective of us wellness practitioners. Um, there's a group of chiropractors who are intuitive chiropractors, so they do more than just like your body, they actually look inside to see, okay, well, this trauma could be causing the pain that's happening in your shoulder. They talk about it so much more eloquently and they have the language for it. There's also other practitioners. I'm one of the practitioners, and so we had rooftop yoga, and then we all tabled, showing off our different um, I don't know, offerings, I suppose. Um, so it was one of my first times tabling, if not the first time I've ever tabled as a life coach. And I just went there with an open mind, open heart, and I had so much fun. And then on Saturday, or I'm on Sunday, excuse me, I had my first, not my first, my second ever speaking engagement where I was asked to speak. Normally I will pitch myself to go and speak. This is the second time I've ever been asked to speak. The first time I was a keynote speaker during COVID for a group of bloggers for the Fuel Your Influence conference. Way back in the day, it was very much in COVID. And so as a keynote speaker there, I was virtual. And so it was really nice to do this in person. Um, and that's something that I'm wanting to call in a little bit more. So if you work for a company, corporation, nonprofit that needs a speaker, your girl is here to speak. And that's one of the things that I'm wanting to do more of. So, welcome back, my friends, to the podcast. I had a wonderful weekend. I hope you did as well. Or if it's your Friday and it's you know the end of your week, whenever you're listening to this, I hope that you've had

Speaking For Nurses And Coaching Offer

SPEAKER_01 3:20

a productive week. As we're diving in, I love to say my disclaimer: take what sticks to you, leave the rest. As a mindfulness-based life coach, my goal is to have you just be aware of what comes up for you and then from that place, mindfully, thoughtfully, awareness without judgment, make decisions on your own life that are in alignment for you that get you closer to the life you most want to live, to your most aligned life. You decide what's in alignment for you. And my goal is to help you align. That's my whole goal is to help you help yourself be your best self. And it was so fun doing that with the nurses the other day and just speaking to them because I know what it's like to be in a place where you just give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give to other people. And so it was so nice to be able to just give back to them and have a space where they got to chill and relax. I led them through a guided meditation and then some exercises, heck yes, heck no test, as well as a wheel of life exercise. So it was a lot of fun. All of this I do in my one-on-one coaching as well. If you're like, I want this, but I don't live in Denver. That's what I do in coaching. So if you're ever curious about it, go to naughtycamille.com to learn more. Book your free discovery

The Question That Changes Goals

SPEAKER_01 4:20

call. All right, my friends, this week we are talking about what are you willing to struggle for? So I'm reading the book The Art of Not Giving. Is that what it's called? Let me see. Let me grab my book. The subtle art of not giving a F-U-C-K. I was thinking about this morning. I was like, do I say the book title? And I chose not to only because I know that I have mamas that listen to this podcast, and I try to keep pursing to a minimum because of that. I want you all to be able to listen to this podcast when you have the babes in the car. Um, and I don't want my language to ever keep you from being able to grow, right? So, what are you struggling for or what are you willing to struggle for is what this podcast episode is about. And again, I got it from The Subtle Art of Not Giving an F U C K by Mark Manton. I've read this book, I want to say it was during COVID for the first time, and now I'm reading it again. And I actually I'm loving the this theme of going back and revisiting things in my life that I feel like that's happening with the podcast and going back to what episode with books that I'm reading. I'm reading books that I've read before. I am reading some new books, but I am also revisiting books that I've read before and going back to them in part because I want to see what I see this time. Because, you know, five years in five years, a lot can change about us. And so I want to see what has changed in my perspective. But I also reread things to deepen my understanding. So instead of it feeling repetitive, I see it as me really integrating the knowledge so that it can become wisdom and knowledge that I have, not just knowledge that I got from a book, but knowledge that I've integrated into my life, have applied to my life and now it has become wisdom. And so, in reading this book again, specifically, I'm gonna give you all a quote from the book that Mark says, but that's what this whole podcast episode is about is what are you willing to struggle for? So he says, Happiness requires struggle, it grows from problems. Joy doesn't just sprout out of the ground like daisies and rainbows. Real, serious, lifelong fulfillment and meaning have to be earned through the choosing and managing of our struggles. It struck me because I truly, when I whenever what brought me to life coaching in the first place was my own drive for happiness. I had gone through a really bad breakup. I my parents were going through a divorce. I actually, you all almost got kicked out of college because my grades were slipping because I was so depressed. And I was just like, this, this can be it. Like I gained weight. It was just like I was a mess. And I was letting my negative thoughts and my doubts and my depression and my anxiety, which is just fear, run my life. And I got to a point where I was like, uh-uh. Like I, there has to be something else. I I know that I can be happy. I know I can be happier. So it was on this like pursuit of happiness. And along that pursuit, I fell across Brooke Castillo, who's also a coach. And one of the things she taught me was there's no such thing as 100% happiness 100% of the time. And I, that literally changed my life. There's so many things that have changed my life. That is one of them. Because it gave me grace to know that the quote hard stuff, the bad stuff didn't mean that I was broken or wrong. It just meant that I was lifing. It meant that life was happening, that when I feel sad, that when I feel bored, that when I feel anxious, right, it's not that it needs to happen all the time, but when it happens that 50% of the time, we want to work towards it being like, you know, 20, 30%. At least that's what's true for me. But when that 50% happens, when

Seeds And Teachers As A Mirror

SPEAKER_01 7:40

those other moments happen, that there's nothing wrong with me, right? And so I feel like Mark really touches on this that it's actually through our struggles that we find our strength, that we, in letting go of 100% happiness 100% of the time, we get to get intimate with our struggle. And when we get intimate with our struggle, we get intimate with ourselves. When we get intimate with ourselves, we know ourselves. And I what I'm finding so true is that what, and I'm I'm still investigating this, but what I think is so true for all of us is all of us want to be known. All of us want to be known. There's just a human desire to be known, to be fully known for who we are and loved despite our flaws, love for exactly the wholeness of who we are. And I truly believe that that starts with us to know ourselves, right? And so again, the question is what are you willing to struggle for? Do you actually want what you say you want? Right. And and knowing that is to know yourself. Do you actually want what you say you want? Are you willing to struggle for it? Are you willing to struggle with it? I think that this is just such a good, honest check-in. Struggle is not the objective. Alignment is the objective, right? And alignment often or always requires discomfort. So, what is it that you're willing to get uncomfortable for? So when I'm talking about this, I'm using career in this episode and most of these episodes because career is so much a part of our lives and our Western society, right? Our career, our business, business, how we make money, what we're going after, our goals, right? That's a lot of what we talk about on the podcast. And so I want to check in, and the things that you're going after, being a mother, being a principal, being a business owner, are you truly willing to struggle for them? Because I feel like that that's what makes people who do the work so well good at what they're doing. So I guess the other way to think about this is think about a teacher. I used to always love the teachers that were, you could tell, not only knew the subject matter, but like loved the subject matter and also loved teaching, right? Those teachers came across differently. Even if you didn't like the subject that they were teaching, somehow you enjoyed that class, right? I've talked about my AP biology teacher, where this was the case. Like I was not a huge fan of AP biology at all, but that teacher was so in love with biology and in love with teaching that it just transformed our experience. So the struggle in that is again, you could be a teacher, right? Maybe you say you love to teach. Part of the struggle is are you willing to deal with unruly students? Are you willing to deal with students who question you? Are you willing to deal with the politics that come with being an educator? Are you willing to have a job that maybe doesn't pay as much as other people, right? And maybe that means that you have a side hustle or you just love that lower dollar amount because you get three months off in the summer. What are you willing to struggle for? Right. The metaphor that came up for me was a seed, right? A seed is in the cold, wet. When you're planting, I know we're like closer to harvest season now, but when you're planting, I just redid my herb garden, so I just did this. When you're putting a little seed in the dirt, it's in the dirt, it's in the darkness. What are you willing to get in the dirt in the darkness for? Because the again, the struggle is not the point. It's not like, what are you willing to get in the darkness for? Because that's where you're gonna be forever. No, what are you willing to get dirty for? What are you willing to be in the darkness for? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seed's not in the darkness forever. It does sprout up, but it is in the darkness for a minute. It's in the wet, it's in the cold for a minute before it sprouts. And even when it sprouts, right, that's the work is not done. You gotta fight your way through the soil. Then when you reach the surface, now that's a completely different environment. Now the sun is out there, now it's hot. Now you're hoping that you get all the nutrients that you need, the water that you need, the nutrients in the soil that you need, right? That the sun is rising the right way. There's struggle even in the beauty. What are you willing to struggle for? And the reason why I keep asking this question is because sometimes we

Real Examples Of Choosing Struggle

SPEAKER_01 11:50

hold on to things that we're like, I really want this thing, I really want this thing. But maybe you actually don't. A really good example for me was being a real estate agent. I had thought about it for a really long time. I thought maybe this is something that I really wanted to do. I liked the glamour of selling beautiful homes, of being somebody that could access wealth because you're selling wealthy homes to wealthy people. You get an aspect of travel because depending on your market, you might, you know, be, I'm in Colorado. So my idea was like I'd be in beautiful mountain towns, right? But when I really sat down and thought about the struggle, that's the glamour side of real estate, right? But what's the struggle side of real estate? I'm having to give up a lot of my weekends because a lot of the time that's when people can go and see homes, or you're having to adhere to when your clients can see you, right? So your your schedule is not nine to five. Uh, you have to pass a test. There's a studying that you have to do. That was basically it for me when I heard that you had to take a test to become a real estate agent. I said, No, I'm not willing to struggle for that. I don't want to struggle like that. Think about modeling. I feel like a lot of people think, oh, but I would love to be a model. I would love to be on, you know, billboards and things like that. While that's the beautiful side of it, you get to be on billboards and maybe you get paid a lot to be, you know, on an old Navy commercial. And I did just sign my modeling contract, so this is actually coming near and near to my heart. I'm actually really excited about this. As a kid, it's always something I want to do. I wanted to be a model. And I would watch America's Next Top Model. And there are some times where you're up really early. It's three, five in the morning and you're in water, you're in cold water, you're on a cold beach, or you're in an uncomfortable position. And for me, when I would watch that, I want to struggle that way. That sounds like fun to me. I know, like in the moment, if I'm really truly at a shoot at 5 a.m. in some cold water, there's gonna be a part of me that is unhappy, but there's there's a bigger part of me that's willing to struggle for that, right? Whereas some of you are hearing that, they're like, no, thank you. I don't, I don't want to do that. If that's what modeling means, keep me out of it. It's totally fine, right? What are you willing to struggle for? My background's in education. Here's another example. I've spent 20 plus years supporting children and families, right? And in that, I'm watching parents. And there are often times where I look at parents and I love you all so much, but sometimes I'm like, did you really want to become a parent, or did you just think this was gonna be like a cute baby that you were gonna get and just gonna stay this cute baby forever? Are you willing to struggle? That means waking up in the middle of the night. That means learning about yourself so that you can better teach your child. That means learning how to parent, right? What is your parenting style? That means having the discomfort of hard conversations. There's so much that comes to parenting. Are you willing to struggle for what you want? I feel like that's truly, and that's what Mark is saying in this book. He's saying that's where our happiness comes from. When we're choosing in alignment, our struggle. Again, that that metaphor like lifting weights. When you're going to the gym and you're trying to become stronger, lifting that heavy weight is hard. There's resistance, your muscles are fatiguing, you might be shaking, but it feels in alignment. At the same time, you're like, I am lifting heavy weights. This is hard. I am sweating. I am going to be so sore tomorrow. And this is exactly how I want to use my energy. That's the question I'm asking today. What are you willing to struggle for? That's the question that Mark asks in the book. What are you willing to struggle for? So

Four Steps To Test Your Dream

SPEAKER_01 15:10

I'm gonna give you four steps here to help you check in and see what you're willing to struggle for. You'd be like, I don't, I don't really know. I don't know. I think I want to do this thing. I don't know if I want to do this thing. I'm not sure. Step one, write out your dreams. I want you to write out all of your dreams. Big, small, medium, whatever your dreams are, to have a greenhouse, to marry the love of your life, to have five children, to have no children, to write a book, to travel to Europe, to stay in a yurt. What are your dreams? Write them all down. Write all of them down. First of all, that is so fun to do. I think that's so fun to do. I'm looking at my vision board as I'm recording this podcast episode. I'm just like, I love dreaming because for me, it's it's not just a dream, right? The the dream part is fun, but what's also fun is doing the work to self-actualize, doing the work to be in alignment with your dream while not, this is the dance, while not poo-pooing on your current life because there's nothing wrong with you. You are not behind. There is nothing wrong with your life, right? Your life has all of the necessary nutrients, resources that you need to create the next step that you're feeling called towards. The metaphor that I use, because you know I love metaphors at a plant party with my uh neighbors last weekend, and we were talking about plants and pots and how truly, like a plant will get sick, it will shrivel up, it will get root rot if you don't move it into a larger pot, right? We're the same way. We're not trying to grow for the sake of growing to show off, to prove anything to anybody else. It's because simply you're wired this way. You're wired for growth. And in this next era of growth, writing down your dreams, right? Let's look at those honestly. Let's look at them. Because sometimes we carry dreams with us into adulthood that we don't actually want anymore. When I thought about being an actress, and that might be something also that changes, as a child, I really wanted to be a singer, model, dancer, actress. I wanted to do all the things I wanted to be on TV, I wanted to be a Disney Channel star. As I became an adult graduating out of college, I realized I didn't actually want those things because I was not going to auditions. I was not trying to do that work. I was, I was honestly building my career in education. I was trying to work towards being a director and I became a director. That was what I actually wanted. When I sat down and thought about do I want to be a senior dancer model actress right now, like my brain would have said yes. But then when you asked me, do you are you willing to do the work? Have you contacted an agent? Have you reached out to anybody that can get you in front of somebody that is, you know, in charge of old neighbor or anything like that? Are you doing any of that? I mean, at a very low level I was, which is why I think that I aligned with Every. You've got the modeling contract through there, but I've I've not done any other modeling other than that until now. Until now where I'm like, actually, this is something that I want to do. And I went to Willamina, Denver and auditioned, and I got a modeling contract that I just signed. I'm really excited about. I'm also really nervous about, but I'm now on a point in my life where this is something that I want to do, that I'm willing to do the work, that I'm willing to wake up at five in the morning and go and lay in the water or whatever it is, because I feel like we'll see. I say this with an asterisk. I feel like my education journey in in terms of being in schools is complete. We will see. I say that with an asterisk because my heart will always be tied to education and children and youth. So I do think that there's still some more work for me to be done just in a different way. I digress. Anyway, my friends, step one, write down your dreams. I want you to get so honest about them. What are you dreaming about? Step two, what do you like about the dream? Write all the things you like about the dream. So again, if you want to be a real estate agent, what are all the things you love about that? If you want to be a mother, if you want to be a doctor, if you want to be a podcast host, what are all the things that you glamorize about it, all the things that you are looking forward to, all the things that are ideal about it, all the things that just like get you so giddy about this dream? That's step two. Step three, where might struggle show up or occur? I want you to check in. Where might struggle show up or occur? If you're wanting to be a mother, where do you think you might honestly struggle? Where do you think that's gonna be tricky? Right. If you want to be a real estate agent, where do you think that you might struggle? If you want to be a leader of teams, where do you think that you might struggle? Be honest with yourself. Be so honest with yourself. Again, this is not license to beat yourself up. It's awareness. And the best leaders, the best entrepreneurs, the best X, Y, and Z are mindful. They're aware of themselves, their weaknesses, their strengths, and they don't beat themselves up. They're aware so that they can make incremental, aligned changes through their actions, through how they think about themselves. Where might you struggle to show up? Where do you think struggle might occur? Number four, are you willing to get uncomfortable for this goal? Are you willing to get uncomfortable for this goal? Just check in. If it's a real estate agent, are you willing to take the test? Are you willing to market

Uncomfortable Either Way Choose Alignment

SPEAKER_01 20:10

yourself? That means selling yourself. That means getting out there and telling people, hey, I sell houses. You want me to be a real estate agent. If you want to be a principal, are you willing to have parents disagree with you? Are you willing to be a disciplinarian and a visionary at the same time? Are you willing to wear both of those hats? If you want to be an entrepreneur, are you willing to sell? Are you willing to learn about sales? That is your whole job. If you are going to run your own business, you have to learn how to sell your service or product. Period. Otherwise, you will not make money on your own. Are you willing to learn that? If you want to be married, are you willing to have hard conversations? Are you willing to consider someone else's opinion when making decisions? Not that they control your decisions, but there's somebody else in your life. And just like you would like them to consider you when they make a decision, you might want to consider somebody else. Are you willing to do that? Are you in a place in your life where you're willing to get uncomfortable in these ways? The things you want will require discomfort, my friend. Also, not doing what you want will also require discomfort. So I would rather be uncomfortable in alignment rather than uncomfortable because I'm not doing the things I say I want to do, because I'm afraid of doing the things I want to do, because I'm it's normally fear, right? I'm afraid. I don't think it's gonna work out. I don't think I'm smart enough. I think it's gonna blow up in my face. I think I'm gonna be a failure. Or you can be uncomfortable and think about that, or you can be uncomfortable because you showed up. And maybe you hosted the event and nobody showed up for the first time. Maybe you've started the podcast and you have four listeners and three of them are family members. But at least you showed up. I would rather you be uncomfortable in alignment. Choose your heart, my friend. It all comes down to that. Choose your heart. Life will always be 50-50. Again, take with six, you leave the rest. It serves me to think that my life is always going to be 50-50, that this is gonna be half hard and half fun, half sad and half exciting. And here's the thing I love to remind us about we want to be sad sometimes. There are times in our lives we want to be sad, we want to be angry, there are things going on in the world that we don't like, and that's okay, right? That that's the beauty of being human, is we get to experience all of these emotions. The check-in is when you are going through your life, are you experiencing the motions, the emotions you want to experience just as much as the emotions you don't want to experience? And if you feel like your life is like you're walking around with a heavy cloud overhead, check in. Check in. What's going on? And I really truly mean that. Check in. Close your eyes, breathe. Ask yourself what's

Programs Coaching And Closing

SPEAKER_01 22:50

going on and allow whatever comes up to come up. Trust yourself. You got this. My friends, I'm having so much fun with the art of magnetism. Round two is already on deck. If you go to naughtymille.com/slash learn more. You can learn more about the art of magnetism. We kick off in August. It's my group coaching program. It's about confidence and co-creation. It really comes down to identity. So, what are I led in with knowing yourself? That's what the art of magnetism is about. It's about knowing yourself. It's about checking in. What are the thoughts that I have about myself and how are they influencing the results that I'm getting? How does my best self show up and think about themselves? And what habits and thoughts might I need to think, feel, do, take action on in order to create a new aligned reality. It's in a group space, so you get to be with other like-minded humans who are doing the work alongside you. It's in a judgment-free space. We learn from one another. I teach, I coach, we do group coaching all together. But then you have this chat together. It is so much fun. We kick off again in August. Or if group coaching isn't your thing and you're ready for one-on-one coaching, go to nandicamil.as.me to book your free discovery call or go to naundicamille.com to learn more. I'll see you guys next week. Support for you and your journey, go ahead to nandicamille.com to learn more or head over to nandicamille.as.me to sign up for your free discovery call.